Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.
The bully’s objective
The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.
When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.
Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.
Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.
Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.
The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.
It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.
The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:
* Denial
* Arrogance
* Unpredictability
* Be attention seekers
Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.
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3 Responses to “Bullying In The Family”
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
I come at the end of a large family. 2 brothers and 6 sisters! Anyone who says that the youngest in the family is always spoiled, I would say come and talk to me. I had 9 mothers and that’s the best way I can put it. They all had a comment to make about everything good and bad that I did. To try and describe the effects this had on me would take forever so let me put it this way. I am 38yrs old with a family of my own and to this day I try not to give them any reason to talk about me. I go out of my way to do anything they ask me. The problem is that now 2 sisters in particular, have kids that are absolute brats. Two yrs ago, they started bullying my child. It is done so subtly that it is extremely hard to catch them. But the effects on my daughter are very evident. She stopped going to ice hockey practice because they would bang into her on purpose but say that they were just tackling. This came to ahead when the coach saw my daughter fall on the ice and saw one of her cousins kick her hard. She came over to my daughter and told her that she should stand up to her. The trouble is that for some reason, this cousin can get the rest of the cousins to be nasty to my daughter and not talk to her. I genuinely cannot understand how a child can have this much power.The lies she tells are amazing! I decided after the ice hockey incident that I would approach my sister and try to sort it out. BIG MISTAKE! What she through up at me was unbelievable! She would not listen to anything but attacked me with everything she could think off, my husband and child got the brunt of it. Even writing this makes me shake. When the mothers do nothing even when you produce proof, then it answers the question as to how the child has so much power.
I wonder could anyone answer me this and give me some advice.
My daughter has decided herself that she no longer wants anything to do with her cousins and I honestly cannot say I blame her.
Does this seem too extreme?
I would welcome advice.
3 Responses to “Bullying In The Family”
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
By Cherie on Jun 7, 2008
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
By Cindy on Jul 24, 2008
I come at the end of a large family. 2 brothers and 6 sisters! Anyone who says that the youngest in the family is always spoiled, I would say come and talk to me. I had 9 mothers and that’s the best way I can put it. They all had a comment to make about everything good and bad that I did. To try and describe the effects this had on me would take forever so let me put it this way. I am 38yrs old with a family of my own and to this day I try not to give them any reason to talk about me. I go out of my way to do anything they ask me. The problem is that now 2 sisters in particular, have kids that are absolute brats. Two yrs ago, they started bullying my child. It is done so subtly that it is extremely hard to catch them. But the effects on my daughter are very evident. She stopped going to ice hockey practice because they would bang into her on purpose but say that they were just tackling. This came to ahead when the coach saw my daughter fall on the ice and saw one of her cousins kick her hard. She came over to my daughter and told her that she should stand up to her. The trouble is that for some reason, this cousin can get the rest of the cousins to be nasty to my daughter and not talk to her. I genuinely cannot understand how a child can have this much power.The lies she tells are amazing! I decided after the ice hockey incident that I would approach my sister and try to sort it out. BIG MISTAKE! What she through up at me was unbelievable! She would not listen to anything but attacked me with everything she could think off, my husband and child got the brunt of it. Even writing this makes me shake. When the mothers do nothing even when you produce proof, then it answers the question as to how the child has so much power.
I wonder could anyone answer me this and give me some advice.
My daughter has decided herself that she no longer wants anything to do with her cousins and I honestly cannot say I blame her.
Does this seem too extreme?
I would welcome advice.
By catherine on Sep 8, 2008