Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.
The bully’s objective
The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.
When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.
Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.
Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.
Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.
The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.
It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.
The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:
* Denial
* Arrogance
* Unpredictability
* Be attention seekers
Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
Bullying In The Family Pictures
Bullying In The Family Videos
Proud Atheists: The Champions of Sanity in a Deluded World.
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
I come at the end of a large family. 2 brothers and 6 sisters! Anyone who says that the youngest in the family is always spoiled, I would say come and talk to me. I had 9 mothers and that’s the best way I can put it. They all had a comment to make about everything good and bad that I did. To try and describe the effects this had on me would take forever so let me put it this way. I am 38yrs old with a family of my own and to this day I try not to give them any reason to talk about me. I go out of my way to do anything they ask me. The problem is that now 2 sisters in particular, have kids that are absolute brats. Two yrs ago, they started bullying my child. It is done so subtly that it is extremely hard to catch them. But the effects on my daughter are very evident. She stopped going to ice hockey practice because they would bang into her on purpose but say that they were just tackling. This came to ahead when the coach saw my daughter fall on the ice and saw one of her cousins kick her hard. She came over to my daughter and told her that she should stand up to her. The trouble is that for some reason, this cousin can get the rest of the cousins to be nasty to my daughter and not talk to her. I genuinely cannot understand how a child can have this much power.The lies she tells are amazing! I decided after the ice hockey incident that I would approach my sister and try to sort it out. BIG MISTAKE! What she through up at me was unbelievable! She would not listen to anything but attacked me with everything she could think off, my husband and child got the brunt of it. Even writing this makes me shake. When the mothers do nothing even when you produce proof, then it answers the question as to how the child has so much power.
I wonder could anyone answer me this and give me some advice.
My daughter has decided herself that she no longer wants anything to do with her cousins and I honestly cannot say I blame her.
Does this seem too extreme?
I would welcome advice.
My half-sister is driving me mad. She talks bad about me to mutual friends often telling them either completely fabricated or out of context things that I have said to make them angry and upset with me. She is very pretty and charming to other people but can’t stand when she is not the center of attention and becomes especially spiteful and mean when she is losing the attention to me. We don’t look alike at all but this only leads to more competition on her part to be the “pretty one” even though we look so different it’s clearly a matter of taste. At family gatherings she says nasty things to me in passing when no one is around and then at the table will say something that to everyone else is seemingly innocent but is actually refering to some insult that she said to me in private.
whenever some event makes me the center of attention she tries to out do me. She knew that my boyfriend was about to propose to me, so she immediately told our whole family and friends that she was engaged, 3 days before he planned to propose, with no ring or a ballpark date. Some friends were planning to have a dinner party for us and she threw a huge temper tantrum and accused them all of not being “real friends” to her because they didn’t throw her a dinner and then tried to do this whole manipulation thing with me to attempt to make me feel guilty for stealing all the attention.
She coherce me into sharing a gift with her (where we split the cost and both agreed on the item, flowers), we were supposed to meet 20 minutes before and pick up flowers and cards. I already gave her money but she waited till the last minute. She didn’t meet me, and didn’t answer her phone when I called her (about 40 times) and then come to find out when I arrived at the house where the get together was she was already there, with the flowers and a card that she didn’t put my name on because quote “the flowers were from both of us but the card was from me” the card that was sticking in the flowers.
She does tons of little things like this all the time, not one week goes by and I don’t call her and try to see her as little as possible.
I really believe she has it out for me and I feel like I sound crazy when I tell people. But it’s real things and real actions all the time and it’s starting to make me loose it, which is what she wants.
This is such a great place to post these stories. I have had a long history with bullies. I sort of though that I was a bully in some respects…having had to learn to “beat off” the offenders all my life.
The first time I remember having to stick up for myself was in first grade when some older boy made an ugly remark and I punched him in the face. He ran home crying.
I have stuck up for myself, but often, it has been overkill…so I’ve made myself a target for the passive-agressive bullies in my life. They are a clever bunch, but I am finally getting a handle on how they operate.
It has become more pronounced in my children these days as I am homeschooling 4 of them on my own while my husband works away.
I have figured out that it isn’t just my husband and my family of origin, it’s even my KIDS now. No wonder I am always mad!
It came to a head today when, after calling my husband on giving me that obnoxious “whatever” response to the problems I am having here (and him telling me off for telling him that was unacceptable), TWO of my kids said “whatever” to me WHILE I WAS EMAILING HIM.
The light bulb went off and I am so grateful that I can address some of this stuff now.
I am so glad to find others who are dealing with the same thing.
I am the second eldest of three brothers. My older brother has learning difficulties and I have Chark Marie Tooth Syndrome ( it causes progressive muscle weakness in hands and legs Despite this one of my hobbies is classic cars and I have two on our front drive both needing work to make them roadworthy. I used to do all the work myself and found it really rewarding. In the last year or so however my health has taken a downturn and I have not been able to get any work done. My mother and my younger brother both dislike one of my cars as it is not in as good a shape as the other (they call it the banger)My brother is into modern cars that can be polished and made to look good.
Recently mum and bro have been pressurising me to get rid of “the banger” but I have quietly refused hoping to get well enough or find some one else to do the jobs for me.
Image how I felt when a passing stranger interested in old cars was looking at the “banger” and while I was out my brother told him it was for sale!!!!! I am not violent but it’s a good job I was out. I have since made my feelings known to both bro & mum, but have been told “just get used to it, it’s going to be sold, accept that it’ll never ger done. it’s not woth much anyway.
I feel tearful, blazing mad, and unable to speak with either without losing my cool. When I do challenge them I get told I’m unreasonable, bad tempered and moody even though I rarely get upset and try to take life as it comes They don’t like my best friends (who are Asian) either. My brother refers to them as “your crowd” in a derogatory way, and my mum says “oh you’re going round to that place are you” if I tell her I’m going out.
This is not the only area I receive “disaproval”, and this kind of behaviour has been going on for years.
is their a place to send very long letter about
about me being bullied,and playing through the system.
even the police have gotten their hand in and
Ireally really scared.
I have no one to turn too/I am an adult
family system too doing that/
Help I might need a lawyer
family doing savatage things and looks like I am crazey.
crazey making behavior.
Help I a guy so I guess Idon’t deserve help’
I caused it all right,I am escape goate
ostrosized
It doesn’t matter whether you are a guy, bullying is bullying and it’s really wrong. You seem to be in a bit of a state. Tell your story in it’s entirety and see if anyone here can offer you some advice. Maybe someone has a similar story to tell and you might got some information from them to help you.
My family have been bullying me for years but it has taken many years to realize this because they have always made me feel like I couldn’t survive without them. They frequently put down my ideas when I was growing up and always expected me to do the ‘right thing’. Most of my life I have done what I feel I should do rather than what I wanted to do. I feel like I don’t know who I am a lot of time now and therefore find it really hard to make decisions. I don’t trust myself and still, at 33 years old, ask my family what I should do, all the time. I have very low self esteem although I am told I am an attractive and intelligent individual. I never feel happy with the person I am.
I have recently started my own family and am marrying my lovely, caring partner this summer. We have a lovely baby boy. Now I have my own family I understand what it really feels like to be valued and respected. I want to learn how to love myself and have a more healthy relationship with my family if possible, even if this means seeing them as rarely as possible.
My older brother who lives near me is particularly bad and has been really nasty to me since I had my baby. For example he rang me right after I had been through a traumatic birth and told me I was a mean, selfish person for not helping him look after his daughter 4 days after i gave birth! I think he is jealous because he is desperate to remarry and have more kids. He has one girl from a previous marriage but his wife left him because she said he was emotionally abusive. He is trying to become very friendly with my partner now and it scares me because I don’t trust him at all and feel like he’s up to something…
My younger, half sister, also bullies me. She is really nice to me one minute but if I don’t do something she wants or get in her way or steel any attention from her she can be really mean.
Most of my family live in the states and I live in the UK so they are not involved in my day to day life luckily. However as my partner wants me to get citizenship in the USA because he says we might want to live there one day…I need to go and spend a short time there without him and I am scared my family will make me feel really small again. The last time I was there I felt really awful by the end of the trip. My sister has made our sister-in-law her sidekick so now she is rude to me too. I am really dreading going back there even for a short time.
I don’t want to get the citizenship. I want to start a new life with my new family and leave my old family behind in the USA. However my partner says our getting citizenship needn’t have anything to do with them and can be just for us. I believe that if our path leads us back to the USA then we will go as a family when the time is right and we have no reason to need the citizenship. I want my old family to see that I am not clinging to them anymore, that I love them but I don’t need them. I want to set myself free from them. I don’t want them to bully me any more. I don’t think I have the strength…yet.
In reference to Catherine’s post in Sept ’08…did anyone ever respond to her? My situation is almost identical. My nephew is a bully to my son (physically) & after approaching my sister twice nothing has changed. It’s impossible to not be around them because we actually live together and they both stay with my mom while we work (my mom doesn’t do anything about it either)! It is not too extreme to have those feelings, we feel the same way. We try to avoid them as much as possible. I would welcome any advice as well.
I have been bullied by my mother in-law for the past twenty years. She started making rude comments about my family being “white trash” and it has esclated to the point that we do not want anything to do with her or my husband’s family,in the past 3-4 years my sister in-law started bullying me through emails, she sends me cruel personal poems and rude jokes that are without a doubt directed at me and so far I have not responded but I would like to know what legal action I could take against her.
I would like to say that i am a mother of 8 children who are all adults now and i am so upset at the way my eldest daughter has turned out, she hates me so much that she has had me beaten up by her so called friend and she tells lies about me all the time, according to her i am an alcoholic and she reared her 5 sisters and 2 brothers, i would like to say that i am tea total and was a 24/7 mother never left my kids with no one but their father when i had to. this girl tries everything in her power to destroy me, she has had members of the family join in her destruction against me and hates it if her sisters talk to me she rings them and gives out to them asking what were they saying to me and what was i saying,then she gives them a piece of her mind, the girls seem to bow down to her to much but no matter what they say she blames it on me. will she ever be able to leave me alone?
empowerment of men over women never works, neither does falsely formed new relationships, children become displaced, confused and lose their sanctity of peace, nurturing and fundamental rights to life, when a father leaves a relationship to endeavour in other romantic pursuits, the child left behind feels emotionally responsible for their own mothers, siblings not to mention financial income, its called being dumped and in my experience the father who did try to take-over inadvertently broke a bone in my neck – sickly, back damage, near paralysis and awkward gait not to mention stength of holding up ones head, so please dont expect any recompensence of sorror over ones mental relations, unfortunately for them the victims ie. the children grow up and unless youre completely dumb should hide your arse and KEEP OUT of no-go zones and that includes getting bodily parts stuck in virginal females.
i have problems at home and iam 11 years old im being bullied by my cousin from jo’burg he thinks he can take advanges over me because of his size. we sleep in the same room but choose to sleep at the lounge. he just came from holidays now that hes back i feel miserable.i try to tell my mother but afraid to tell dad.i know violence is never an answer but was thinking building a contraption to beat him. i have even tried fighting back to him even though hes 17 yrs old,i even tried getting 50,000 volts to zap him but afraid of what my father would say. whenever hes around i feel miserable sometimes i pray he would go back to jo’burg but does not happen what should i do?
I BEEN BULLIED BY MY OWN BROTHER HE EVEN BROKE MY ANKCLE BEAT ME ON THE FLOOR NOT AS BAD AS HE COULD OF HE SAYS HE HAS BIG TIME BAD ASS PRISON PRISON TATTOOS HE REPLIES HE’S CHASED ME TO BEAT MY ASS AND TROWN STUFF AT ME AND SAYS SORRY IT WON’T HAPPEN AGIN UNLESS I ASK FOR IT ITS HAPPEN 3 TIMES LAST TIME FOR HEARING WHAT HE HAD TO SAY WHILE HE WAS DRUNK DURING THAT TIME HIS GIRL LEFT HIM WELL GOTTA GO I HATE EXPLAINING NO SEGNIFICANT REASON WHY I SOULD GET BULLYED
i dont know whether im feeling sorry for myself or what, but for a long time my family have been making me feel very small so i lack alot of confidence, i mean dont get me wrong they do and give me alot of things but they use that against me alot of the time … i try and sort things out with them and it just ends in an argument. my brother gets away with what feels like everything, he is the elder one and he has struggled a bit through life but he loves nothing better than seeing what i have to go through with my family always being made to feel in superior to them. so of course my brother feeds off that whenever he can to get my parents support to make me worse. im suffering from depression really quite badly and i am four months pregnant and it was also another thing i got pressured into by them, if i didnt keep it i got chucked out… i dont know what to do anymore im scared and i jus want things to change. i just feel like it must be my fault all the time but i dont know anymore…
I am sorry u r going thru this. So am I. Please try to get out of there. Go to a church. If u r pregnant the catholic church will try to help u.My family drove my brother to suicide. PLEASE DON”T DO IT>
My brother has always been allowed to control our family. Whatever he says, goes. Whatever he wants, he gets. He has stolen money, he has sold drugs, he has never worked a day in his life. The worse part is that he is so arrogant about how successful he is, and my parents always protect him whenever anyone tries to point out that he is nothing more than a liar. I have avoided, will have to continue to avoid family gatherings to avoid the sick feeling when he starts picking. If I show up, he makes a point of starting something. The sad thing is, his own son is so much like him…wonder if it is not genetic?
I do feel for everyone who has commented here and for those who have read and not commented.
I have suffered from Family prejiduces because of who my parents are.
There is no winning for losing. Once a group or someone pigeon holes you, UNFORTUANELY…There generally is no way of turning them around. I know I have tried and wated 27 years trying. I have looked up and researched..bullying, mobbing…be it at work or in the family. The only thing that works is the hardest thing to do….LEAVE.
Rumors, gossip, lies, name calling, put downs etc.
It will not stop, and it is unjustified.
My son and I moved and are starting over in a new State and City. It is hard. But, there really is no other way. Most people will not admit to wrong doing. They will down play it at best. They will always twist it that you are overly sensitive to their abuse.
The only way to stop it is to get away from it.
We have joined a very nice Church and are making it our new Family. We know to be careful of certain personalities and to avoid them.
Go where you are celebrated…not where you are tolerated.
It is lonely at first, but you must be strong and courageous. You will not change others…and if they had a heart they would not be abusive or hurtful in the first place. In your heart, you know this. Hope reigns eternal…(YES) but you must realize that without your sanity, you are not good even to yourself. And abusive people are crazy makers and you can NOT beat them at their own game…ESPECIALLY if you are out numbered.
Move and rebuild carefully. It may sound unreal…but it is the only way to preserve your sanity and HEAL.
I tried to talk to my Family about the hurtful gossip and psycho analizing….but it did no good. It is a Family tradition and there have even been suicides…still no one wants to change the hurtful game of denial and picking people apart and creating stories to back up their behaviour.
Long story short…look up bullying and mobbing, you will see that there really is no stopping it…just getting away from it and starting over.
Advice..Pick the people you allow to be close to you carefully. Healing is hard…but, possible! But only by getting away from it.
Please do your research and do not waste your time trying to change people…
Catherine is telling the truth. I have went through a whole lot of painful (quietly) for years upon finding out that I wasn’t the child of one of my parents. Well, it didn’t matter to me; I just love them anyway. But over the months and years, I realize that it truly mattered to this parent. The things that this parent said, say and did and does has and did make my mouth hang open. But, I continued to forgive and show that I just love you.
The parent continue to get worse. In the year of 2004, I lost one parent and since it has been worse. Now, instead of the mistreatment from one parent; its now a whole extended family (lying the works). I continued to go around until 2009.Yes, it was hard to do but, when I was present and there it was worse. I really thought I was LOVED….
I also thank TVAL for what was shared. I understand and I have moved on because, you want to stay and let it roll away but for some reason, many that bully love the fighting and anger. I don’t understand,*!? But, I stopped trying to figure out why.
I have been bullied by my husbands family since the day we met. We have been together for 20 years.
His family bullied me because I was exotic looking. Because I was short. Because I was thin. Because I was the only one in their immediate family circle with a college degree, they bullied me because I don’t fit into their ethnic culture regime. I don’t drink, hey do, I don’t gossip about others lives, they do, I dot laugh at others misfortunes, they do, Im not arrogant they are, and I dot love to cook , they do.I don’t serve my husband on my Ganda and feet, they do. I have a voice and express my opinions and they want to crush me. They keep me out of family discussions but invite all other in laws.
They wanted to have total co troll ivermectin my husband and they can’t any longer.so of course I’m to blame.
They get involved in who I invite or don’t invite over to my home.
Everything about me annoys them because I haven’t conformed to their stepford wives syndrome!
I’m ignored at family functions. They are pleased to see my husband and my kids but not me.
They pretend to be my friends to only get information to use against me.
They want me to be quiet and submissive.
They put down my blood family and never want to interact with them.
They accuse me of taking away their son and brother but in reality by not accepting me they have made him distance himself
From them.
No matter how many functions I make to gather everyone together it just doesn’t work.
They complain about my cooking, not old world! , they complain about my raising of the kids, I don’t discipline enough!, they complain about the way I look, I’m not average and dull or matronly enough. After 20 years of being bullied I gave put mikes between me and them. It’s the best thing I have ever done. They will always be around but now they won’t be around as much! Distance is sweet! No phone calls from me, no invitations either! My husband deals with them. I gave no need for them now! After all, they had no need for me before. Life is a circle, treat others how you want to ve treated because it will come back to bite you in the butt!
I am a victim of bullying also, my big fat sister-in-law (who uses her weight to intimitate)have been bullying me for 8 years now, along with my brother. My brother is out of town every week with his job. So she uses every excuse to blame me and my common law husband with every problem she creates. So she tells my brother a lie and he believes her, so his duty is to call us and starts harrassing us for causing problems, but the pattern is everytime a problem accures it is never explained of what we have done to create the problem. I really want these harrassements to stop, but I do not know how to go about it. Know matter what I do they will always make me feel guilty and we are the creator of problems. If I go to the authorities I know they will try to tell me that I am trying to put friction in my family. We wanted to get married this year after 11 years together. My brother is threatening to stop this wedding from happpening. I do not know what to do! She is saying that she is the victim in all this and we are the one who is harrassing her. So everything she says, she reverts it on both our backs.
I dont know where to start with my family. There ruining my life. my elder sister left her kids years ago and i moved in with her husband to help mind them (I was only 17) and still in school! That is not the problem, the problem is she has built a relationship with her kids even though she doesnt live with them and now she is absoloutly horrible to me! any chance she gets she verbally attacks me and now i just completely avoid her!
My other sister is worse! she is only 2 years older and since our teenage years has constantly stole things (even from my friends) and lied. She turned into an alchoholic and I used to go to house to pick her up of the floor only for her to abuse me any chance she got. Two weeks ago she told me no one in my family likes me and doesnt know why I bother coming to visit. Years ago I went out with this kinda psycho guy and when I realised this and broke up with him he told her loads of lies about me and she only threw these lies back in my face two weeks ago! she actually believes him.
Yesterday I got a text of her asking me for money. I said i dont think its fair to ask me for money after the horrible things she said to me and she said she doesnt want me to bring that up she just wants the money and she will repay it. When i said i dont want anything more to do with her after the things she said she said I should be kicked up and down the road and im not right in the head!
I would love to help my family out but I just dont think I have a family. I told her I want her out of my life as Im sick of the bickering and fighting and cant take it anymore.
I wish I had a normal loving family like other people and i know i will never have that! One night she rang me in the middle of teh night to come meet her that she needed me, my partner and I left worried to meet her to find her drunk and wanting a lift miles up the country. When I said no its too late she called me ugly and abused me in front of him- he had never met her before i was so embarrassed. I found out later she was running away to me
et a junkie she had met in rehab! I rang the older (also horrible) sister to ask her to look after her as she would not listen to me and I could not deal with her. Then she abused me for telling my sister!
Its so crazy i just want a peaceful life and think the only way I can do this is cut them out of my life alltogother. I ve asked my parents to take me out of their will as it is the only thing I have in common with them. I am the only person in my family to go to college and have worked really hard to try and be a “good person”. Sometimes I get so depressed I have no support even though people think I have a family- no one really knows what is going on!!
Can anyone help me
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
I come at the end of a large family. 2 brothers and 6 sisters! Anyone who says that the youngest in the family is always spoiled, I would say come and talk to me. I had 9 mothers and that’s the best way I can put it. They all had a comment to make about everything good and bad that I did. To try and describe the effects this had on me would take forever so let me put it this way. I am 38yrs old with a family of my own and to this day I try not to give them any reason to talk about me. I go out of my way to do anything they ask me. The problem is that now 2 sisters in particular, have kids that are absolute brats. Two yrs ago, they started bullying my child. It is done so subtly that it is extremely hard to catch them. But the effects on my daughter are very evident. She stopped going to ice hockey practice because they would bang into her on purpose but say that they were just tackling. This came to ahead when the coach saw my daughter fall on the ice and saw one of her cousins kick her hard. She came over to my daughter and told her that she should stand up to her. The trouble is that for some reason, this cousin can get the rest of the cousins to be nasty to my daughter and not talk to her. I genuinely cannot understand how a child can have this much power.The lies she tells are amazing! I decided after the ice hockey incident that I would approach my sister and try to sort it out. BIG MISTAKE! What she through up at me was unbelievable! She would not listen to anything but attacked me with everything she could think off, my husband and child got the brunt of it. Even writing this makes me shake. When the mothers do nothing even when you produce proof, then it answers the question as to how the child has so much power.
I wonder could anyone answer me this and give me some advice.
My daughter has decided herself that she no longer wants anything to do with her cousins and I honestly cannot say I blame her.
Does this seem too extreme?
I would welcome advice.
My half-sister is driving me mad. She talks bad about me to mutual friends often telling them either completely fabricated or out of context things that I have said to make them angry and upset with me. She is very pretty and charming to other people but can’t stand when she is not the center of attention and becomes especially spiteful and mean when she is losing the attention to me. We don’t look alike at all but this only leads to more competition on her part to be the “pretty one” even though we look so different it’s clearly a matter of taste. At family gatherings she says nasty things to me in passing when no one is around and then at the table will say something that to everyone else is seemingly innocent but is actually refering to some insult that she said to me in private.
whenever some event makes me the center of attention she tries to out do me. She knew that my boyfriend was about to propose to me, so she immediately told our whole family and friends that she was engaged, 3 days before he planned to propose, with no ring or a ballpark date. Some friends were planning to have a dinner party for us and she threw a huge temper tantrum and accused them all of not being “real friends” to her because they didn’t throw her a dinner and then tried to do this whole manipulation thing with me to attempt to make me feel guilty for stealing all the attention.
She coherce me into sharing a gift with her (where we split the cost and both agreed on the item, flowers), we were supposed to meet 20 minutes before and pick up flowers and cards. I already gave her money but she waited till the last minute. She didn’t meet me, and didn’t answer her phone when I called her (about 40 times) and then come to find out when I arrived at the house where the get together was she was already there, with the flowers and a card that she didn’t put my name on because quote “the flowers were from both of us but the card was from me” the card that was sticking in the flowers.
She does tons of little things like this all the time, not one week goes by and I don’t call her and try to see her as little as possible.
I really believe she has it out for me and I feel like I sound crazy when I tell people. But it’s real things and real actions all the time and it’s starting to make me loose it, which is what she wants.
Please any advice would be very appreciated.
This is such a great place to post these stories. I have had a long history with bullies. I sort of though that I was a bully in some respects…having had to learn to “beat off” the offenders all my life.
The first time I remember having to stick up for myself was in first grade when some older boy made an ugly remark and I punched him in the face. He ran home crying.
I have stuck up for myself, but often, it has been overkill…so I’ve made myself a target for the passive-agressive bullies in my life. They are a clever bunch, but I am finally getting a handle on how they operate.
It has become more pronounced in my children these days as I am homeschooling 4 of them on my own while my husband works away.
I have figured out that it isn’t just my husband and my family of origin, it’s even my KIDS now. No wonder I am always mad!
It came to a head today when, after calling my husband on giving me that obnoxious “whatever” response to the problems I am having here (and him telling me off for telling him that was unacceptable), TWO of my kids said “whatever” to me WHILE I WAS EMAILING HIM.
The light bulb went off and I am so grateful that I can address some of this stuff now.
I am so glad to find others who are dealing with the same thing.
Interesting site.
I am the second eldest of three brothers. My older brother has learning difficulties and I have Chark Marie Tooth Syndrome ( it causes progressive muscle weakness in hands and legs Despite this one of my hobbies is classic cars and I have two on our front drive both needing work to make them roadworthy. I used to do all the work myself and found it really rewarding. In the last year or so however my health has taken a downturn and I have not been able to get any work done. My mother and my younger brother both dislike one of my cars as it is not in as good a shape as the other (they call it the banger)My brother is into modern cars that can be polished and made to look good.
Recently mum and bro have been pressurising me to get rid of “the banger” but I have quietly refused hoping to get well enough or find some one else to do the jobs for me.
Image how I felt when a passing stranger interested in old cars was looking at the “banger” and while I was out my brother told him it was for sale!!!!! I am not violent but it’s a good job I was out. I have since made my feelings known to both bro & mum, but have been told “just get used to it, it’s going to be sold, accept that it’ll never ger done. it’s not woth much anyway.
I feel tearful, blazing mad, and unable to speak with either without losing my cool. When I do challenge them I get told I’m unreasonable, bad tempered and moody even though I rarely get upset and try to take life as it comes They don’t like my best friends (who are Asian) either. My brother refers to them as “your crowd” in a derogatory way, and my mum says “oh you’re going round to that place are you” if I tell her I’m going out.
This is not the only area I receive “disaproval”, and this kind of behaviour has been going on for years.
Any tips??
my name is Allen and I am being bullied every where because
I wish to submite letter don’t know if this posts
realy in bad bad mess
is their a place to send very long letter about
about me being bullied,and playing through the system.
even the police have gotten their hand in and
Ireally really scared.
I have no one to turn too/I am an adult
family system too doing that/
Help I might need a lawyer
family doing savatage things and looks like I am crazey.
crazey making behavior.
Help I a guy so I guess Idon’t deserve help’
I caused it all right,I am escape goate
ostrosized
It doesn’t matter whether you are a guy, bullying is bullying and it’s really wrong. You seem to be in a bit of a state. Tell your story in it’s entirety and see if anyone here can offer you some advice. Maybe someone has a similar story to tell and you might got some information from them to help you.
My family have been bullying me for years but it has taken many years to realize this because they have always made me feel like I couldn’t survive without them. They frequently put down my ideas when I was growing up and always expected me to do the ‘right thing’. Most of my life I have done what I feel I should do rather than what I wanted to do. I feel like I don’t know who I am a lot of time now and therefore find it really hard to make decisions. I don’t trust myself and still, at 33 years old, ask my family what I should do, all the time. I have very low self esteem although I am told I am an attractive and intelligent individual. I never feel happy with the person I am.
I have recently started my own family and am marrying my lovely, caring partner this summer. We have a lovely baby boy. Now I have my own family I understand what it really feels like to be valued and respected. I want to learn how to love myself and have a more healthy relationship with my family if possible, even if this means seeing them as rarely as possible.
My older brother who lives near me is particularly bad and has been really nasty to me since I had my baby. For example he rang me right after I had been through a traumatic birth and told me I was a mean, selfish person for not helping him look after his daughter 4 days after i gave birth! I think he is jealous because he is desperate to remarry and have more kids. He has one girl from a previous marriage but his wife left him because she said he was emotionally abusive. He is trying to become very friendly with my partner now and it scares me because I don’t trust him at all and feel like he’s up to something…
My younger, half sister, also bullies me. She is really nice to me one minute but if I don’t do something she wants or get in her way or steel any attention from her she can be really mean.
Most of my family live in the states and I live in the UK so they are not involved in my day to day life luckily. However as my partner wants me to get citizenship in the USA because he says we might want to live there one day…I need to go and spend a short time there without him and I am scared my family will make me feel really small again. The last time I was there I felt really awful by the end of the trip. My sister has made our sister-in-law her sidekick so now she is rude to me too. I am really dreading going back there even for a short time.
I don’t want to get the citizenship. I want to start a new life with my new family and leave my old family behind in the USA. However my partner says our getting citizenship needn’t have anything to do with them and can be just for us. I believe that if our path leads us back to the USA then we will go as a family when the time is right and we have no reason to need the citizenship. I want my old family to see that I am not clinging to them anymore, that I love them but I don’t need them. I want to set myself free from them. I don’t want them to bully me any more. I don’t think I have the strength…yet.
In reference to Catherine’s post in Sept ’08…did anyone ever respond to her? My situation is almost identical. My nephew is a bully to my son (physically) & after approaching my sister twice nothing has changed. It’s impossible to not be around them because we actually live together and they both stay with my mom while we work (my mom doesn’t do anything about it either)! It is not too extreme to have those feelings, we feel the same way. We try to avoid them as much as possible. I would welcome any advice as well.
I have been bullied by my mother in-law for the past twenty years. She started making rude comments about my family being “white trash” and it has esclated to the point that we do not want anything to do with her or my husband’s family,in the past 3-4 years my sister in-law started bullying me through emails, she sends me cruel personal poems and rude jokes that are without a doubt directed at me and so far I have not responded but I would like to know what legal action I could take against her.
I would like to say that i am a mother of 8 children who are all adults now and i am so upset at the way my eldest daughter has turned out, she hates me so much that she has had me beaten up by her so called friend and she tells lies about me all the time, according to her i am an alcoholic and she reared her 5 sisters and 2 brothers, i would like to say that i am tea total and was a 24/7 mother never left my kids with no one but their father when i had to. this girl tries everything in her power to destroy me, she has had members of the family join in her destruction against me and hates it if her sisters talk to me she rings them and gives out to them asking what were they saying to me and what was i saying,then she gives them a piece of her mind, the girls seem to bow down to her to much but no matter what they say she blames it on me. will she ever be able to leave me alone?
empowerment of men over women never works, neither does falsely formed new relationships, children become displaced, confused and lose their sanctity of peace, nurturing and fundamental rights to life, when a father leaves a relationship to endeavour in other romantic pursuits, the child left behind feels emotionally responsible for their own mothers, siblings not to mention financial income, its called being dumped and in my experience the father who did try to take-over inadvertently broke a bone in my neck – sickly, back damage, near paralysis and awkward gait not to mention stength of holding up ones head, so please dont expect any recompensence of sorror over ones mental relations, unfortunately for them the victims ie. the children grow up and unless youre completely dumb should hide your arse and KEEP OUT of no-go zones and that includes getting bodily parts stuck in virginal females.
i have problems at home and iam 11 years old im being bullied by my cousin from jo’burg he thinks he can take advanges over me because of his size. we sleep in the same room but choose to sleep at the lounge. he just came from holidays now that hes back i feel miserable.i try to tell my mother but afraid to tell dad.i know violence is never an answer but was thinking building a contraption to beat him. i have even tried fighting back to him even though hes 17 yrs old,i even tried getting 50,000 volts to zap him but afraid of what my father would say. whenever hes around i feel miserable sometimes i pray he would go back to jo’burg but does not happen what should i do?
I BEEN BULLIED BY MY OWN BROTHER HE EVEN BROKE MY ANKCLE BEAT ME ON THE FLOOR NOT AS BAD AS HE COULD OF HE SAYS HE HAS BIG TIME BAD ASS PRISON PRISON TATTOOS HE REPLIES HE’S CHASED ME TO BEAT MY ASS AND TROWN STUFF AT ME AND SAYS SORRY IT WON’T HAPPEN AGIN UNLESS I ASK FOR IT ITS HAPPEN 3 TIMES LAST TIME FOR HEARING WHAT HE HAD TO SAY WHILE HE WAS DRUNK DURING THAT TIME HIS GIRL LEFT HIM WELL GOTTA GO I HATE EXPLAINING NO SEGNIFICANT REASON WHY I SOULD GET BULLYED
i dont know whether im feeling sorry for myself or what, but for a long time my family have been making me feel very small so i lack alot of confidence, i mean dont get me wrong they do and give me alot of things but they use that against me alot of the time … i try and sort things out with them and it just ends in an argument. my brother gets away with what feels like everything, he is the elder one and he has struggled a bit through life but he loves nothing better than seeing what i have to go through with my family always being made to feel in superior to them. so of course my brother feeds off that whenever he can to get my parents support to make me worse. im suffering from depression really quite badly and i am four months pregnant and it was also another thing i got pressured into by them, if i didnt keep it i got chucked out… i dont know what to do anymore im scared and i jus want things to change. i just feel like it must be my fault all the time but i dont know anymore…
I am sorry u r going thru this. So am I. Please try to get out of there. Go to a church. If u r pregnant the catholic church will try to help u.My family drove my brother to suicide. PLEASE DON”T DO IT>
My brother has always been allowed to control our family. Whatever he says, goes. Whatever he wants, he gets. He has stolen money, he has sold drugs, he has never worked a day in his life. The worse part is that he is so arrogant about how successful he is, and my parents always protect him whenever anyone tries to point out that he is nothing more than a liar. I have avoided, will have to continue to avoid family gatherings to avoid the sick feeling when he starts picking. If I show up, he makes a point of starting something. The sad thing is, his own son is so much like him…wonder if it is not genetic?
I do feel for everyone who has commented here and for those who have read and not commented.
I have suffered from Family prejiduces because of who my parents are.
There is no winning for losing. Once a group or someone pigeon holes you, UNFORTUANELY…There generally is no way of turning them around. I know I have tried and wated 27 years trying. I have looked up and researched..bullying, mobbing…be it at work or in the family. The only thing that works is the hardest thing to do….LEAVE.
Rumors, gossip, lies, name calling, put downs etc.
It will not stop, and it is unjustified.
My son and I moved and are starting over in a new State and City. It is hard. But, there really is no other way. Most people will not admit to wrong doing. They will down play it at best. They will always twist it that you are overly sensitive to their abuse.
The only way to stop it is to get away from it.
We have joined a very nice Church and are making it our new Family. We know to be careful of certain personalities and to avoid them.
Go where you are celebrated…not where you are tolerated.
It is lonely at first, but you must be strong and courageous. You will not change others…and if they had a heart they would not be abusive or hurtful in the first place. In your heart, you know this. Hope reigns eternal…(YES) but you must realize that without your sanity, you are not good even to yourself. And abusive people are crazy makers and you can NOT beat them at their own game…ESPECIALLY if you are out numbered.
Move and rebuild carefully. It may sound unreal…but it is the only way to preserve your sanity and HEAL.
I tried to talk to my Family about the hurtful gossip and psycho analizing….but it did no good. It is a Family tradition and there have even been suicides…still no one wants to change the hurtful game of denial and picking people apart and creating stories to back up their behaviour.
Long story short…look up bullying and mobbing, you will see that there really is no stopping it…just getting away from it and starting over.
Advice..Pick the people you allow to be close to you carefully. Healing is hard…but, possible! But only by getting away from it.
Please do your research and do not waste your time trying to change people…
Catherine is telling the truth. I have went through a whole lot of painful (quietly) for years upon finding out that I wasn’t the child of one of my parents. Well, it didn’t matter to me; I just love them anyway. But over the months and years, I realize that it truly mattered to this parent. The things that this parent said, say and did and does has and did make my mouth hang open. But, I continued to forgive and show that I just love you.
The parent continue to get worse. In the year of 2004, I lost one parent and since it has been worse. Now, instead of the mistreatment from one parent; its now a whole extended family (lying the works). I continued to go around until 2009.Yes, it was hard to do but, when I was present and there it was worse. I really thought I was LOVED….
I also thank TVAL for what was shared. I understand and I have moved on because, you want to stay and let it roll away but for some reason, many that bully love the fighting and anger. I don’t understand,*!? But, I stopped trying to figure out why.
I have been bullied by my husbands family since the day we met. We have been together for 20 years.
His family bullied me because I was exotic looking. Because I was short. Because I was thin. Because I was the only one in their immediate family circle with a college degree, they bullied me because I don’t fit into their ethnic culture regime. I don’t drink, hey do, I don’t gossip about others lives, they do, I dot laugh at others misfortunes, they do, Im not arrogant they are, and I dot love to cook , they do.I don’t serve my husband on my Ganda and feet, they do. I have a voice and express my opinions and they want to crush me. They keep me out of family discussions but invite all other in laws.
They wanted to have total co troll ivermectin my husband and they can’t any longer.so of course I’m to blame.
They get involved in who I invite or don’t invite over to my home.
Everything about me annoys them because I haven’t conformed to their stepford wives syndrome!
I’m ignored at family functions. They are pleased to see my husband and my kids but not me.
They pretend to be my friends to only get information to use against me.
They want me to be quiet and submissive.
They put down my blood family and never want to interact with them.
They accuse me of taking away their son and brother but in reality by not accepting me they have made him distance himself
From them.
No matter how many functions I make to gather everyone together it just doesn’t work.
They complain about my cooking, not old world! , they complain about my raising of the kids, I don’t discipline enough!, they complain about the way I look, I’m not average and dull or matronly enough. After 20 years of being bullied I gave put mikes between me and them. It’s the best thing I have ever done. They will always be around but now they won’t be around as much! Distance is sweet! No phone calls from me, no invitations either! My husband deals with them. I gave no need for them now! After all, they had no need for me before. Life is a circle, treat others how you want to ve treated because it will come back to bite you in the butt!
My mum and brother bully me and it hurts everyday! They put me down and gang up on me in every way and I can’t cope anymore! I need advice please
I am a victim of bullying also, my big fat sister-in-law (who uses her weight to intimitate)have been bullying me for 8 years now, along with my brother. My brother is out of town every week with his job. So she uses every excuse to blame me and my common law husband with every problem she creates. So she tells my brother a lie and he believes her, so his duty is to call us and starts harrassing us for causing problems, but the pattern is everytime a problem accures it is never explained of what we have done to create the problem. I really want these harrassements to stop, but I do not know how to go about it. Know matter what I do they will always make me feel guilty and we are the creator of problems. If I go to the authorities I know they will try to tell me that I am trying to put friction in my family. We wanted to get married this year after 11 years together. My brother is threatening to stop this wedding from happpening. I do not know what to do! She is saying that she is the victim in all this and we are the one who is harrassing her. So everything she says, she reverts it on both our backs.
I dont know where to start with my family. There ruining my life. my elder sister left her kids years ago and i moved in with her husband to help mind them (I was only 17) and still in school! That is not the problem, the problem is she has built a relationship with her kids even though she doesnt live with them and now she is absoloutly horrible to me! any chance she gets she verbally attacks me and now i just completely avoid her!
My other sister is worse! she is only 2 years older and since our teenage years has constantly stole things (even from my friends) and lied. She turned into an alchoholic and I used to go to house to pick her up of the floor only for her to abuse me any chance she got. Two weeks ago she told me no one in my family likes me and doesnt know why I bother coming to visit. Years ago I went out with this kinda psycho guy and when I realised this and broke up with him he told her loads of lies about me and she only threw these lies back in my face two weeks ago! she actually believes him.
Yesterday I got a text of her asking me for money. I said i dont think its fair to ask me for money after the horrible things she said to me and she said she doesnt want me to bring that up she just wants the money and she will repay it. When i said i dont want anything more to do with her after the things she said she said I should be kicked up and down the road and im not right in the head!
I would love to help my family out but I just dont think I have a family. I told her I want her out of my life as Im sick of the bickering and fighting and cant take it anymore.
I wish I had a normal loving family like other people and i know i will never have that! One night she rang me in the middle of teh night to come meet her that she needed me, my partner and I left worried to meet her to find her drunk and wanting a lift miles up the country. When I said no its too late she called me ugly and abused me in front of him- he had never met her before i was so embarrassed. I found out later she was running away to me
et a junkie she had met in rehab! I rang the older (also horrible) sister to ask her to look after her as she would not listen to me and I could not deal with her. Then she abused me for telling my sister!
Its so crazy i just want a peaceful life and think the only way I can do this is cut them out of my life alltogother. I ve asked my parents to take me out of their will as it is the only thing I have in common with them. I am the only person in my family to go to college and have worked really hard to try and be a “good person”. Sometimes I get so depressed I have no support even though people think I have a family- no one really knows what is going on!!
Can anyone help me