It is important to let your child know that you are there for them if they are the victim of bullies, your child will have had feelings of guilt and shame for probably a long time before eventually confiding in someone that they are the victim of a bully.
So it is essential that you take them seriously and let them know that you don’t blame them for what is happening to them, it is all too easy to tell your child to stick up for themselves but this only makes things worse and deepens the shame your child feels and this was probably the very reason they kept it a secret in the first place.
By confiding in someone particularly their own parent your child has shown a great deal of inner strength and this should be pointed out to them and deserves your praise.
* Be a good listener – We all know that a problem shared is a problem halved and this is true, one of the most important ways you can help your child is to talk about what is happening to them and how they feel.
Just by knowing you support them will be a big step towards dealing with the bullying, when you first start talking about the bullying it is understandable that as a parent you will be upset, after all your child is suffering, but try not to let your child see you are upset because they could see this as your disappointment in them.
* Reassure your child - You should always reassure your child that they are not to blame for what is happening, try to explain to them that bullies are people who feel inadequate about themselves and who are jealous of others.
Questions you can ask your child
There are questions that you could ask your child such as:
* Do they encounter problems walking to school or on the bus to school and how do they feel about going to and from school, have they seen other children bullied?
* Do they have problems in the school yard before entering school or coming out of school and how they feel about it?
* When does the bullying usually occur the most in school, do they have problems during break time, dinner time or is the bullying taking place during lessons?
* Do they know if the bullies threaten anyone else in school?
* Does the bullying occur at weekends or evenings when away from school?
* Do they receive emails, text messages or prank phone calls, if so discuss how your child feels about this and ways of dealing with it.
Asking your child questions rather than waiting for them to offer might be easier and asking about other children being bullied will emphasis that they aren’t the only victims of bullies.
If the victim of bullying is a younger child then asking them to draw what is happening to them or how they are feeling might be easier, role playing using toys can often be a big help also. Stress to your child that the bullying can be dealt with together rather than you will sort it out for them, this way the child won’t feel useless and ashamed.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
The advice above doesn’t actually deal with the bullying, it only teaches the child how to cope and understand it, which is productive when the abuse is mental but not physical. If a child is getting beaten up or robbed then understanding and listening doesn’t actually help the situation however I can understand that it could dissuade the child from doing something stupid like running away or, god forbid, suicide.
The reason for my post is I have a son who is being bullied and it both pains and frustrates me that I try my best to listen to him and hear his pain, I’ve spoken to the teachers who take a very, reactive and passive stance to it as they fear the parents of the bullies themselves. Sometimes I’d just wish my son would punch the bullies in the mouth, he’s certainly big enough. It would probably end it too. However, it makes him as bad as them.
What ARE you meant to do to END bullying and not COPE with it?
help me plz I’m being bullyed so much I told the teachers they do nothing I told me mother she did nothing I’m out of options…o and a tryed ignoring them but for some reason the can see through me and they think its funny so they keep doing it I want this to stop plz helo me!!!!
Corey and Tom, I am coming from a female point of view but I hope I can be a little bit of help. First of all, I was bullied all through school. Second of all, I learned a few things since then because my own daughter was being bullied and I had to do something about it. The teachers unfortunately are not always helpful, as I found out. Unfortunately nowadays, it’s not “politically correct” to punch somebody in the mouth as in my husbands day. But as he says himself, it did sort the problem. However, you can stand up for yourself. It is possible. I did it! What each of you need to realise is, that it’s always THEM, not HIM or HER. THEY think it’s funny or
I’ve tried to ignore THEM. Bullies never work alone. I approached the girl who bullied me outside of school and told her that she wasn’t so tough when not with her buddies and really made her feel crappy. My legs were like jelly going into the school on monday but everytime she started making fun of me, I reminded her of our meeting. What’s the worst that can happen? Have you friends that can maybe stand beside you even if they don’t do anything but can give you a bit of dutch courage? It really takes just once of twice to stand up to these gits. And trust me, courage is what THEY lack by the lorry load!! And remember,
it’s normally somebody with a good and kind nature that they so this to. You can still be that way but with a bit of back bone.
I’m not sure this even helps but if all else fails a good shove can work wonders as well although, for obvious reasons, I cannot
endorse this behavior!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you both and God bless.
It is important to let your child know that you are there for them if they are the victim of bullies, your child will have had feelings of guilt and shame for probably a long time before eventually confiding in someone that they are the victim of a bully.
The advice above doesn’t actually deal with the bullying, it only teaches the child how to cope and understand it, which is productive when the abuse is mental but not physical. If a child is getting beaten up or robbed then understanding and listening doesn’t actually help the situation however I can understand that it could dissuade the child from doing something stupid like running away or, god forbid, suicide.
The reason for my post is I have a son who is being bullied and it both pains and frustrates me that I try my best to listen to him and hear his pain, I’ve spoken to the teachers who take a very, reactive and passive stance to it as they fear the parents of the bullies themselves. Sometimes I’d just wish my son would punch the bullies in the mouth, he’s certainly big enough. It would probably end it too. However, it makes him as bad as them.
What ARE you meant to do to END bullying and not COPE with it?
help me plz I’m being bullyed so much I told the teachers they do nothing I told me mother she did nothing I’m out of options…o and a tryed ignoring them but for some reason the can see through me and they think its funny so they keep doing it I want this to stop plz helo me!!!!
Corey and Tom, I am coming from a female point of view but I hope I can be a little bit of help. First of all, I was bullied all through school. Second of all, I learned a few things since then because my own daughter was being bullied and I had to do something about it. The teachers unfortunately are not always helpful, as I found out. Unfortunately nowadays, it’s not “politically correct” to punch somebody in the mouth as in my husbands day. But as he says himself, it did sort the problem. However, you can stand up for yourself. It is possible. I did it! What each of you need to realise is, that it’s always THEM, not HIM or HER. THEY think it’s funny or
I’ve tried to ignore THEM. Bullies never work alone. I approached the girl who bullied me outside of school and told her that she wasn’t so tough when not with her buddies and really made her feel crappy. My legs were like jelly going into the school on monday but everytime she started making fun of me, I reminded her of our meeting. What’s the worst that can happen? Have you friends that can maybe stand beside you even if they don’t do anything but can give you a bit of dutch courage? It really takes just once of twice to stand up to these gits. And trust me, courage is what THEY lack by the lorry load!! And remember,
it’s normally somebody with a good and kind nature that they so this to. You can still be that way but with a bit of back bone.
I’m not sure this even helps but if all else fails a good shove can work wonders as well although, for obvious reasons, I cannot
endorse this behavior!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you both and God bless.