If you find that your child is bullying others it can be a big shock, you will probably ask yourself questions such as “where did I go wrong?”, “what could I have done to prevent this?”. The answer in most cases is nothing, your child could have turned to bullying for several reasons and it is important that you remain calm and level headed and discuss with your child why they have turned to bullying.
There are several points you should discuss with your child such as:
* Talk with your child and get his/her side of the story, it may be that your child was being bullied themselves and has turned to bullying as a way of countering this. They may have gotten in with the wrong crowd and are being coerced into bullying by others to stay in with the crowd.
* Talk with your child and help them to understand how they are making other children feel by bullying them and the serious affects bullying can have on a child’s health. Make sure your child knows that bullying in any form is not acceptable for whatever reasons.
* If the bullying is happening in school then make an appointment to see members of staff in school, talk if possible with your child’s form teacher and make them aware of the problem if they didn’t already know. Ask if any changes have been made in school such as moving your child to sit with others, if they have been recently moved and are now mixing with a different group of children ask that they be moved again.
* Other children may be putting pressure on your child to bully or take part in bullying if this is the case and you are on speaking terms with the other child’s parents make them aware of what is happening, they will probably be just as eager to put a stop to it as you are once they realise what is happening.
* If other children are involved but you don’t know them or their parents then get the school involved and ask if they can organise a meeting between all parents of children who are involved in bullying.
* Find out if your child is having problems with learning in school, quite often a child will uses bullying as a cover up for having difficulties with learning in school.
* Is your child copying aggressive behaviour from family members, more than likely this could be older brothers or sisters, maybe they have in the past used aggression against their sibling.
* Talk with your child about how they feel about children who are more fortunate than themselves, maybe your child is jealous of someone who is always bragging or bringing “new belongings” to school.
* If bullying is happening during school holidays try and find ways to keep your child amused, try to spend more time with your child and do more family activities together to keep them busy.
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Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
I have recently had to pull my child out of the public scholl system because he was being bullied to the point he was having serious emotional stress. He is in the 7th grade but has been picked on since his first day of school.
He has ADHD and has a hard time controling emotion meds do not help.
I have tried to work with the school they wer no help!
In fact whenever he would try to tell on someone for picking on him he would get in trouble because he would say things that he shouldnt out of anger.
My and his last draw was one day I got a call from the school to come and get him.
When I arrived the councelor took me aside nd told me he had been pick on and hit on all day in several different classes by several differnt kids, finally he snapped he went to the councelors office told her he hated all of them he wished they wer dead and that sometimes he felt like he could stab them in the neck with a pencil!
If you knew my child you would know that he is of a kind heart and spirit, and always concerned about others however you never know what someone can be pushed to. This scared me and it brroke my heart that I had left him in this situation for so long, telling him to ignore them and just avoid them.
So insted of the schools expelling him or sending him to alternative school I now have to work full time and home school in the evenings.
The bullies were never punished and when I asked were they where during my childs all day torture they had no answer, he told me he tried to tell 3 different teachers that day they told him to go back to his seat, he said one threatend to send him to the office and when he said good thats what he wanted she made him sit down.
What else can a parent do!!!???
hi there i feel my situation is very similar to yours,it may not have got to the same level yet,but is going that way.my child also has problems due to a bleed in the brain.he was statmented but was taken of due to improvements in primary school.he is now in his second year at middle school aged 12.he is being bullied daily and i am getting no help,ive been to the school and they are no help they basically told me if my son stopped whining he would not be bullied,today as i think he has had enough he punched another student,this is totally unlike him he is not a strong or tuff boy in any way and i am fearing for his safety ,please can you give me any info on your situation,or what i might be able to do,thankyou.
Hello. This has been an exhausting day. My son messed up. He has been bullied for about two years at school and on the bus. I knew something was wrong but he would not tell me what. Yesterday, he snapped at school. The story from him is he touched several male students on the leg and grabbed their crotch so he would get expelled from school. This worked, he now has to go to an alternative learning center. He knows what he did was extremely wrong and he feels horrible about it. From what the other kids said it started at first a couple weeks ago when he told another boy that he was going to rape him. From what he told me last night he thought this would definitely get him in trouble. Which it should have, but the boy didn’t tell on him.
My child is a straight A student who plays in the band and he gets picked on because he is smart. He says he didn’t touch the boys for sexual gratification, but because he wanted to get kicked out of school(he did it three times trying to get caught) so he wouldn’t have to put up with it anymore. I told him what he did was a huge mistake and at the time his 13 year old brain didn’t really understand the ramifications that all of us will have to deal with.
The school principal doesn’t care about the reasons why a good kid would suddenly do something bad. He said to us that if it was his kid that was touched he would want the child punished to the full extent of the law. I can understand this mentality, but it’s not so cut and dry. I have made an appointment with a therapist who will hopefully get to the bottom of it all. He acted out to get out of a bad situation. In the process he assalted other students which is not ok and he knows it. I asked him why he chose to take action that way. He said he thought it would get him in trouble and he wouldn’t have to ride the bus or come to that school because he’d be in trouble. I told him it would have been much better to have punched the bully who has been making him miserable. At least then the principal would have cared a little. I don’t know what I should do as a parent. I’ve told him no matter what I love him and we will do everything within our power to help. Does anyone have any suggestions?
We are going to have to go to Juvenile Court because the school is pressing charges. I’m scared. I know he will be punished because he was very wrong for handling the situation as he did but he did not want to have to deal with it anymore and he wanted out of there. He should have told someone but the bully has eroded his confidence by endless name calling and threatening. He knew the person would get in trouble then come back and take his revenge. He has told my child that he is going to beat the hell out of him numerous times. It breaks my heart that he wasn’t able to tell us or the teachers at school, he was ashamed and he shouldn’t have been.
I’m sorry I’m venting so much, this has been a very trying day for us all. If anyone has been thorough anything similar or has any suggestions please reply.
I have recently had to pull my child out of the public scholl system because he was being bullied to the point he was having serious emotional stress. He is in the 7th grade but has been picked on since his first day of school.
He has ADHD and has a hard time controling emotion meds do not help.
I have tried to work with the school they wer no help!
In fact whenever he would try to tell on someone for picking on him he would get in trouble because he would say things that he shouldnt out of anger.
My and his last draw was one day I got a call from the school to come and get him.
When I arrived the councelor took me aside nd told me he had been pick on and hit on all day in several different classes by several differnt kids, finally he snapped he went to the councelors office told her he hated all of them he wished they wer dead and that sometimes he felt like he could stab them in the neck with a pencil!
If you knew my child you would know that he is of a kind heart and spirit, and always concerned about others however you never know what someone can be pushed to. This scared me and it brroke my heart that I had left him in this situation for so long, telling him to ignore them and just avoid them.
So insted of the schools expelling him or sending him to alternative school I now have to work full time and home school in the evenings.
The bullies were never punished and when I asked were they where during my childs all day torture they had no answer, he told me he tried to tell 3 different teachers that day they told him to go back to his seat, he said one threatend to send him to the office and when he said good thats what he wanted she made him sit down.
What else can a parent do!!!???
hi there i feel my situation is very similar to yours,it may not have got to the same level yet,but is going that way.my child also has problems due to a bleed in the brain.he was statmented but was taken of due to improvements in primary school.he is now in his second year at middle school aged 12.he is being bullied daily and i am getting no help,ive been to the school and they are no help they basically told me if my son stopped whining he would not be bullied,today as i think he has had enough he punched another student,this is totally unlike him he is not a strong or tuff boy in any way and i am fearing for his safety ,please can you give me any info on your situation,or what i might be able to do,thankyou.
Hello. This has been an exhausting day. My son messed up. He has been bullied for about two years at school and on the bus. I knew something was wrong but he would not tell me what. Yesterday, he snapped at school. The story from him is he touched several male students on the leg and grabbed their crotch so he would get expelled from school. This worked, he now has to go to an alternative learning center. He knows what he did was extremely wrong and he feels horrible about it. From what the other kids said it started at first a couple weeks ago when he told another boy that he was going to rape him. From what he told me last night he thought this would definitely get him in trouble. Which it should have, but the boy didn’t tell on him.
My child is a straight A student who plays in the band and he gets picked on because he is smart. He says he didn’t touch the boys for sexual gratification, but because he wanted to get kicked out of school(he did it three times trying to get caught) so he wouldn’t have to put up with it anymore. I told him what he did was a huge mistake and at the time his 13 year old brain didn’t really understand the ramifications that all of us will have to deal with.
The school principal doesn’t care about the reasons why a good kid would suddenly do something bad. He said to us that if it was his kid that was touched he would want the child punished to the full extent of the law. I can understand this mentality, but it’s not so cut and dry. I have made an appointment with a therapist who will hopefully get to the bottom of it all. He acted out to get out of a bad situation. In the process he assalted other students which is not ok and he knows it. I asked him why he chose to take action that way. He said he thought it would get him in trouble and he wouldn’t have to ride the bus or come to that school because he’d be in trouble. I told him it would have been much better to have punched the bully who has been making him miserable. At least then the principal would have cared a little. I don’t know what I should do as a parent. I’ve told him no matter what I love him and we will do everything within our power to help. Does anyone have any suggestions?
We are going to have to go to Juvenile Court because the school is pressing charges. I’m scared. I know he will be punished because he was very wrong for handling the situation as he did but he did not want to have to deal with it anymore and he wanted out of there. He should have told someone but the bully has eroded his confidence by endless name calling and threatening. He knew the person would get in trouble then come back and take his revenge. He has told my child that he is going to beat the hell out of him numerous times. It breaks my heart that he wasn’t able to tell us or the teachers at school, he was ashamed and he shouldn’t have been.
I’m sorry I’m venting so much, this has been a very trying day for us all. If anyone has been thorough anything similar or has any suggestions please reply.
Thank you,