What Can I Do If My Child Is Bullying Others?

May 25, 2008 – 11:14 pm

Bully Child
Questions & Answers (Q&A)

Bullying Guide


If you find that your child is bullying others it can be a big shock, you will probably ask yourself questions such as “where did I go wrong?”, “what could I have done to prevent this?”. The answer in most cases is nothing, your child could have turned to bullying for several reasons and it is important that you remain calm and level headed and discuss with your child why they have turned to bullying.

There are several points you should discuss with your child such as:

* Talk with your child and get his/her side of the story, it may be that your child was being bullied themselves and has turned to bullying as a way of countering this. They may have gotten in with the wrong crowd and are being coerced into bullying by others to stay in with the crowd.

* Talk with your child and help them to understand how they are making other children feel by bullying them and the serious affects bullying can have on a child’s health. Make sure your child knows that bullying in any form is not acceptable for whatever reasons.

* If the bullying is happening in school then make an appointment to see members of staff in school, talk if possible with your child’s form teacher and make them aware of the problem if they didn’t already know. Ask if any changes have been made in school such as moving your child to sit with others, if they have been recently moved and are now mixing with a different group of children ask that they be moved again.

* Other children may be putting pressure on your child to bully or take part in bullying if this is the case and you are on speaking terms with the other child’s parents make them aware of what is happening, they will probably be just as eager to put a stop to it as you are once they realise what is happening.

* If other children are involved but you don’t know them or their parents then get the school involved and ask if they can organise a meeting between all parents of children who are involved in bullying.

* Find out if your child is having problems with learning in school, quite often a child will uses bullying as a cover up for having difficulties with learning in school.

* Is your child copying aggressive behaviour from family members, more than likely this could be older brothers or sisters, maybe they have in the past used aggression against their sibling.

* Talk with your child about how they feel about children who are more fortunate than themselves, maybe your child is jealous of someone who is always bragging or bringing “new belongings” to school.

* If bullying is happening during school holidays try and find ways to keep your child amused, try to spend more time with your child and do more family activities together to keep them busy.


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Bully Child Question & Answers

Bully Child Question: 1


Is my child a bully or is the school bullying us? Is this the correct punishment?

My son has been in public schools since age 4 , he is now 8. Other than talking and making nosies he has never been in trouble at school. 2 wks ago he changed schools and now the new school says he is a bully. He was sent home 10 mins after school started for they said hitting a child in the arm. The papers that I recevied from the school said chin. I'm always getting different stories. Thursday morning around 10 he was sent home again and also suspended for Friday. This is what his referral had on it .... at 7:30-kicking kids in cafeteria, 8:00-he said shut up to a child, 8:10-slurping milk through a straw and did not stop when asked,8:20-he whispered "I hate you" to a child, 9:30-he stuck his middle finger up (does not know what that means and thought it was ok), and there is no time listed for the last one he got up to go the bathroom while a child was at the sink the theacher saw and stopped him. He does need more redirection he has ADHD, but would you say this is fair to him?

Answer:
Not fair to send him home from school. Yes they should do something about his actions because if they don't now he will become a bully. But how is this teaching him it is wrong to do this stuff by sending him home? The only thing he is learning with them sending him home is that he can get out of school by acting inappropriately. You need to talk to the school and tell them this is in no way helping you. If they wont do something different switch schools. Also by 8 years old unless you sheltered him just that much he knows what the middle finger is and he knows its wrong to hit other kids he knows that he cannot tell other kids to shut up or tell them I hate you. So yes in the long run he is being a bully.

Bully Child Question: 2


Should a parent of a bullied child sue the school where the bullying takes place and sue the bully?

After all, a suit in court is how an adult would take care of harassment or an assault or battery. I say let the punks know how the real world works!

Answer:
if your child is being bullied then homeschool them. its the best education and the safest.

Bully Child Question: 3


If you found out your child was a bully in school and on the bus would you put a stop to it?

I mean I was bullied as a child, and I have a feeling my meek and mild tempered son is going to be bullied too. Why do kids bully and why do parents let them?

Answer:
I would not allow my child to be a bully, but sometimes kids do things they aren't allow to do. Some kids have parents who are bullies and they learn that being a bully is ok at home. All you can really do is teach your child to stand up for himself and let him know that he doesn't have to put up with someone bullying him. If he is bullied at school or on the bus then he needs to ignore it if possible (some bullys are just trying to get a reaction from you) or go to the teacher or the bus driver. The school has a responsibility to stop bullies from tormenting other kids.

Bully Child Question: 4


Were you ever bullied as a child? Or were YOU a bully?

I hate bullies. I've never been bullied because I had good friends that stood up for me. Two of my older sisters were bullied as children though and I believe it has caused life-long damage to them. I love that movie called "The Benchwarmers" - now that's MY kind of team.

Answer:
Yes, I was bullied by a few girls in my class, they told me stuff like I was so ugly and fat, and guys just talk to me because they are using me to get to them. I learned to ignore them, sometimes it is very hard to ignore bullying because it really makes you feel bad. Sometimes bullys bully because they feel bad about themselves and they have to do that to make themselves feel better and superior.

Bully Child Question: 5


child bully?

I have recently been told my daughter is a bully. I feel that if (and this is supposedly taking place in school) this is happening the school should have contacted me, right??? I have emailed her teacher. No reply as of yet. How can I correct a problem I did not know existed, also, I'm just wondering if this woman was just trying to "get back" at me for other things. What would you do?

Answer:
Talk to the teacher directly, email is so impersonna. Also try sitting in on her class a few times or, spy her on the play ground. Ask your daughter about the accusations. See if you can detect why she may be doing this. I know its hard to believe that your little angel at home, may be so different at school. Kids cope with the social environment differently than at home. If you find out she ids guilty, then please get through to her that bullying is not o.k., she needs to understand that pushing people around is no way to get ahead in life.

Bully Child Question: 6


Names of movies that have child bully scenes?

Please name any movies you know wih child bulling scenes. I'm looking for some that are very realistic, sad or emotional.

Answer:
Bully~This is a truly chilling film about the subject, but I'd suggest that you approach with utmost caution. It's based on a real case. Ben X (2007) The Sixth Sense The Karate Kid The Outsiders The Good Son My Bodyguard The Chocolate War (1988) Welcome to the Dollhouse The Zoo Gang (1985) Odd Girl Out (2005 TV movie) Walking on the Moon (1999 TV movie) Tom Brown's Schooldays (2005 TV movie) Ice Princess Three O'Clock High NeverEnding Story Just One of the Guys Max Keeble's Big Move A Christmas Story Many bullying scenes are played in a way guaranteed to bring laughter from the audience, which is sad, isn't it? Most of these have to do with teenagers though, so I don't know if they will help you. Here's a documentary that might be of special interest: Rats & Bullies (2004) Three girls (who bullied a girl who killed herself) were held accountable in a precedent setting court case. Relational aggression, suicide, bullying, Restorative Justice and the actions and consequences of not only the three bullies but also that of their victim, are explored in depth. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399546/

Bully Child Question: 7


How can I identify if my child is a bully?

I've read a lot of bullying problems.....mostly from the victim's point. I'd like to know if there are ways to recognize if one's own child is a bully. Are there ways to help bring the child out of the bully mode? Well, this by the way is a general question that's all. I am not saying or concluding that my child is a bully. We want to be responsible parents, and see that the children are neither victims not bullies. Sometimes parents worry that their children may be victims and dont see the other side. I want to check on both extremes. That's all.

Answer:
talk to his teachers, i do not know how old your child is, but teachers and counselors at school if he is old enough, and observing if he is younger, i think i would try your local library i bet there are a lot of books out there with maybe some lists of signs or clues, and advice on how to deal with it

Bully Child Question: 8


Parents,how did you handle it when you found out your child was a victim of a bully,or was the bully?

themselves? I am an expecting father and one of my worries is once my child gets older what to do when they come home and inform me they are being picked on at school or I get a letter or phone call from the school informing me my child is a bully. In this day and age bullying can cause severe repercussions. Like that young girl who killed herself after being teased on MySpace. Parents how did youhandle it??

Answer:
I tell him to ignore them and stay away from them. My son is a very sweet little guy and it hurts me to know people pick at him sometimes for silly reasons. I've gotten him into boxing(he is young) so if a situation comes up when he's older, he'll be able to defend himself. We do teach that fighting isn't right, but if someone is going to pick a fight with him, I want him to be able to handle himself. And the girl on Myspace, that was so sad. She was such a pretty little girl, shame that people treated her that way. EDIT: My kid is in the second grade and his school has a 'no tolerance' policy for 'violence'. Yeah, we tell him to ignore the bully. If it keeps up, we would deal with the parents. I'm not telling him if he ignores it, it will go away. I'm not having my kid kicked out of a very good school because some kid wouldn't leave him alone about his hair being 'dorky' or his shoes not being the right ones. We actually had to deal with a little girl who kept scratching him...guess what the mom told us? If we kept it up, she would tell the school that she's being harassed because she's black. So we went to the school and they put them in seperate classes. It's just as hard for a kid to deal with the title 'tattletale' as it is for them to deal with other kids being jerks for a different reason.

Bully Child Question: 9


If ur child's life was ruined by a bully to the point where he could not function, what would you do?

I would go to school and BEATH THE LIVING C'RAP OUT OF THAT LITTLE B'ITCH OF BULLY, INFRONT OF MY CHILD ;) (excuse my language)... Im saying that's what i would like to do, NOT LIKELY!!!! but sometimes you get angered that you want that....

Answer:
No,wrong. You dont want any witnesses at all,oh and do a good job first time.

Bully Child Question: 10


Have any parents seen your own child Bully another child?

If so, how have you dealt with it? Just trying to get another perspective.

Answer:
I have a six year old daughter. Early this year when she attended school, she did start a bit of bullying..esp during break..i nipped it immediately since i was there..She's my only child so she doesnt know how to share and during break time, she tends to think that the swings belong to her..so she roughly pushed another child just to get on the swing..i scolded her in front of her friends..she was angry..but she listened..when i wasnt looking she did it again the next day.. I did not know what to do..all i could do was keep on telling her off..and i punished her..no swings..for 2 days..no treats..until she learns to be polite and shares her stuff...it took me awile...she was adament...stubborn too..didnt like being told off i front of her friends..but eventually she got the message... In all honesty..i dont know how else to deal with the situation except to tell my child..that what she did was bad..why it was bad..and if she did it again..what will happen? It is sad to see my child being cruel to someone else..but now my daughter knows what things are good and what are not approved..she is denied all luxuries..when she is bad..so she does her best. One thing i do know ...from young i am teaching my child and constantly monitoring her... Now she is a vibrant..active child ..willing to share...but there are times..when they do misbehave.. good luck to you..

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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