Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.
The bully’s objective
The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.
When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.
Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.
Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.
Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.
The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.
It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.
The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:
* Denial
* Arrogance
* Unpredictability
* Be attention seekers
Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
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2 Responses to “Bullying In The Family”
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
2 Responses to “Bullying In The Family”
Biological Mother Bullied by Aunt and biological sonMy Aunt has bullied me for years. I thought she was my best friend. I left my first husband after my divorce and I have a mental illness. She convinced me that I would only harm my kids by keeping them because I have a mental illness. I ended up giving them both up because she actually made me believe that I would have harmed my children being mentally ill. I thought I was doing the right thing. My youngest son is now 15 and she has turned him totally against me. We got into a blowup, she and I almost two weeks ago and I havent spoken to her since. She has called and the son that I gave to her has left a threatening message on my phone threatening physical violence. They have even turned my grandmother and cousins against me. I just want them all to leave me alone. I am being bullied by both of them. But I refuse to ever have anything to do with them ever again. Do you think they will leave me alone. I haven\’t heard from any of them for a few days. Do you think that they are just laying low for a while until they decide to harrass me again. I just want them to leave me alone. They are dead to me now and they don\’t need to bother me again.
By Cherie on Jun 7, 2008
Another helpful resource are the 12 step programs. It is a supportive non-judgmental environment that is designed to help people who are in dysfunctional situations of many kinds. Just having a gang of friends who understand and back you up, give you moral courage, can make a difference in the stress you are in while you are figuring out what to do.
I highly recommend it. Also not to disclose this to the bully, or anyone who might not be trustworthy.
It is a spiritual program, but do not be put off by that. You can think of God, or you can think of nature, it does not matter however you think about it, its a group of people who are TRYING to be good, and TRYING to improve, to look at their own faults.
Bullies never do this. I know because I have been bullied a lot. Thank you for this website.
By Cindy on Jul 24, 2008