Bullying Guide

There are many different reasons why bullies target people but some reasons are consistent in most case of bullying, so what draws a bully to their target and why? Here are some of the reasons:

* Bullies are opportunists and usually it’s a case of you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and the bully found that they can intimidate you easily.

* The bully is jealous of you and secretly wishes they were like you.

* The bully is afraid of exposing their inadequacy and you only make them feel more inadequate especially if you are excellent at your job or school work.

* You are popular and therefore get more attention than the bully and this is how the bully wants to be.

* You are independent and don’t need to get strength from others, bullies often get strength from their “gang of followers” who find it funny that you are tormented.

* You have many friends who like to be with you just for you.

* You have nice possessions, the bully is often jealous of those who have what they don’t.

Do any special events cause bullying?

As a bully is usually jealous of others achievements there are many events that can trigger bullying such as:

* Your performance at school or work is highlighted by such as awards or praise.

* If for any reason you suddenly become the focus of attention, this often occurs with female bullies.

* Standing up for a friend or colleague who is being bullied.

* Telling tales, this can be incompetence at work for instance or something that is done illegally.

* Displays of affection and trust from others.

* Seeking advice from trade union officials during disputes at work.

* Refusing to obey orders you don’t think are fair.

* Gaining promotion in the work place.

Qualities that bullies find irresistible:

Bullies are particularly drawn to people with the following qualities:

* Popularity – This brings out the jealousy side of the bully.

* Intelligence – This only enhances the bully’s inadequacies.

* You always give 100% and will do anything to help others – This brings out jealousy In bullies.

* You are imaginative and creative – Again shows the bullies incompetence.

* You have a strong sense of right and wrong – The bully will never admit to being wrong.

* You prefer to talk rather than fight – The bully sees this as a sign of weakness.

* High level of tolerance – The bully will try and break you down through bullying to prove he is stronger than you.

What the bully really is:

* A convincing liar who will say and do anything to get out of trouble or around problems in their life.

* Is excellent in deceiving others particularly peers.

* Emotionally insecure and untrustworthy .

* An arrogant person who believes themselves to be untouchable.

* Has a need to control people and alienate them from others.

* They are always takers and never givers.

* Someone who poisons peoples minds with lies about you.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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Bullying Guide

Persistent bullying can have very serious consequences on the health; relentless bullying day after day causes stress and with stress comes effects on the health such as fatigue, depression, anxiety, phobias and panic attacks. Anyone who is being bullied will eventually find it stressful and symptoms will begin to show if they are continually faced with stressful situations day after day.

Stress

The signs of stress first usually appear as sleepless nights, aches, pains and stomach problems.

The physical symptoms of stress

People suffering from stress will find that they catch more colds and generally feel run down all the time; this is down to a reduced immune system. General aches and pains may begin to show such as back pain, chest pain and headaches, other symptoms include dizziness, sweating, palpitations, skin disorders and loss of appetite.

Physiological symptoms

Symptoms such as panic attacks are common in someone suffering from stress and anxiety, feelings such as a dread of something unknown happening, feelings of loneliness, suicide, desperation and an intense fear. Poor concentration and forgetfulness are also common effects in someone suffering from depression due to stress.

Behavioural symptoms

A person suffering from stress can often be very tearful, irritable, become obsessive or have angry outbursts. A person can also become over sensitive, for example they may think everyone is talking about them when they walk into a room. Indecision, a loss of the sense of humour and excessive nail biting, teeth grinding and scratching can all be signs of stress.

Personality changes

The person suffering from stress will most probably begin to withdraw into themselves, preferring to stay at home where once they would have enjoyed going out with friends. They will have loss of self esteem, self image and self worth.

The usual response to stress is what is known as the “fight or flight” mechanism and this will occur many times a day in someone who is stressed and full of anxiety, this can happen for no reason and when the person is in no particular danger at that very moment and is termed a “panic attack”.

In the beginning these can happen every once in a while but continual exposure to stress can trigger them every few minutes. The person suffering can then even trigger a panic attack just by the mere thought of one occurring.

Serious prolonged attacks of bullying can result in the target shutting out what is happening to them and sometimes who is responsible for the bullying.

This can have consequences for those trying to help the victim put a stop to it so the quicker help is given the better, especially when it might be necessary to take legal action against the bully. Victims of bullies often don’t report the incidents for reasons such as:

* Fear they will not be believed.

* If they report the bullying then any action taken could make the situation worse for them.

* The person feels shame of being bullied.

* The person feels bewilderment about what happened and asks themselves why me.

* Bullying causes stress and this can prevent the person from being able identify the bullies.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

When we think of bullying we think of children in school, while it is true the majority of bullying does occur in school in the playgrounds it is something that happens in the workplace and in the home too. Bullying has also taken on a new form with the modern technology of today and is no longer confined just to the playground, bullying now occurs in cyber form via email and text messaging with cell phones.

Bullying in schools

Most bullying often occurs in playgrounds and at lunch breaks and can take on different forms such as your child being bullied for money at lunchtime or for sweets to more serious forms of continually hounding your child just for the sheer fun of it.

Bullying can also occur during lessons particularly in full classes or during sports lessons and isn’t confined in school bullies can also make your child’s life hell going to and from school. Sometimes bullying can also come from those we entrust our children’s safety to, teachers.

Cyber bullying

With the modern technology of today bullying has taken on a new form, it is now a common occurrence for children to have computers in their rooms and bullies have seized upon this opportunity to find new ways to bully.

Although harm isn’t being done to a child physically it is still bullying and often mental bullying is far worse than actual physical harm. Bullies have also seized on the opportunity of cell phones and can terrorise their victims by sending text messages and prank phone calls.

Bullying in the workplace

It isn’t just children who are victimised by bullies; adults can also fall foul of them in the workplace. We all known how younger new recruits in the workplace are usually called upon for all the jobs that no one wants to do, it’s a standard joke they are the “gophers” but bullying in the workplace is something entirely different from being the butt of jokes such as that.

Forms of bullying in the workplace can be persistently given the lower paid or dirty jobs, refusal of holidays for no good reason and promotions being denied in favour of more well liked people on the staff.

Bullying in the home

Bullying in the home can either be the husband or occasionally the wife bullying the spouse, the children or the whole family, bullying in this form often consists of mental cruelty rather than physical.

Bullying in the form of mental cruelty is one that is often favoured by the bully because words often hurt more than physical harm, also there is no evidence and bullies after all are cowards and don’t want to get caught.

Bullies also like to be in total control and have a power over people and mental cruelty is often far more effective and gives the bully a deeper sense of satisfaction and control.

Whatever form of bullying occurs be it a child or an adult in the workplace or in the home environment it is important for those suffering to be taken seriously.

Bullying is treated the same wherever it happens and to whom, standing up to the bully and refusing to be victimised any longer is the key and there are several organisations that can give advice on dealing with bullying of any form.

If you need help then your local citizen’s advice bureau will be able to put you in touch with organisations in your area.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

When we think of bullying in school it is the children we think of as being the bullies against one another but a recent report showed that more and more teachers are being subjected to bullying in the classroom, this is usually in secondary schools but can also occur even in junior schools and sometimes the bullying doesn’t end when school is out but continues in the teachers’ home life too.

It is thought that half of all teachers in secondary schools have at some time or another been the victim of bullying by pupils. The incidents of bullying in the classroom range from violent behaviour against the teacher such as kicks and pushes to strong verbal abuse and general bad behaviour in the classroom.

Among those teachers that admitted to being bullied in the classroom over 10% of them said the bullying continued away from school and into their home life. Some cases of bullying had gotten so bad that the teacher had been forced to move away from the area due to the persistent harassment by pupils during weekends and evenings.

Admitting being bullied doesn’t make you a bad teacher

It is thought that the problem is more widespread than it seems and that many more teachers face bullies everyday in the classroom but are afraid to admit it. It is thought that teachers won’t admit to the problem and seek help because they fear people will think they are bad teachers.

Bullying can happen to all teachers and more so the young and inexperienced just starting out, it doesn’t take long before several 14 year olds will realise the vulnerability of the teacher and they will take advantage of the situation.

Repetitive bullying

Once children have found this vulnerability in a particular teacher they can make that teachers life hell, the bullying will probably start out as name calling back and forth among class mates and making jokes about the teacher, if the teacher doesn’t quickly nip it in the bud and establish who is in control of the classroom control can quickly turn over to the children.

The bullying can then turn into something nastier such as pushing and hitting the teacher or stealing possessions, the teacher will come to hate going to school to teach and eventually if the problem is left to fester can result in the teacher having a nervous breakdown. The breakdown occurs due to the persistent abuse over a long period of time be it mental or physical abuse.

Victims of classroom bullying shouldn’t be afraid

One of the main reasons that teachers and head teachers are afraid to admit to bullying occurs within the classroom and school is fear that the school will be considered “bad”. There is however no shame in admitting a problem and parents of the bullies should be informed what is happening within the classroom.

Most parents will understand that a constant level of verbal or physical abuse in the classroom will be a frightening experience for teachers and most parents will back the school 100%.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

Anyone who is being bullied will eventually have feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment, these feelings are only normal when you are being victimised day in and day out over a long period of time. The victim of the bully will eventually begin to ask themselves “why me” and will feel embarrassment, guilt and shame that they can’t stand up to the bully and deal with what is happening to them by themselves.

It is important to remember that in fact there are very few people who could deal with persistent bullying over long periods of time by themselves. Persistent bullies are also called serial bullies and there are primarily four different types of serial bully, the attention seeker, the wannabe, the guru and the sociopath:

The Attention seeker

The attention seeker will always want to be the focus of attention; they are control freaks who are excellent in manipulating people. Signs of the attention seeker are:

* Emotionally insecure and immature.

* Has selective friends for example they can be over sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others and the rest of the people are just ignored.

* Very aggressive to anyone who sees them for what they are.

* Can be over friendly with their chosen target in the beginning, this gives a person a false sense of security.

* Everything that happens to them is a “drama”.

* Prefers not to solve any problems they have in their own life, this way they can continue gaining attention and sympathy.

* Has lots of self pity.

The Wannabe

This type of bully will crave respect for being competent despite severely lacking in competence, signs of the wannabe are:

* An underperformer or achiever.

* Craves undeserved respect and attention.

* Has no qualifications but says they have.

* Or very envious or jealous of others.

* Steals ideas from others and uses them as their own.

* Are very easily provoked and quick to anger.

* Female wannabes will surround themselves with people of the opposite sex delighting in the attention.

* Gives the appearance of loyalty but discards a person when they have served the purpose of the bully.

* Is likely to make friends or have affairs to gain power, status or position.

The Guru

The guru very often has the inability to understand how others feel, signs of the guru are:

* Will do anything to succeed.

* Isn’t very good with people and is often a loner.

* Does not accept responsibility for their own behaviour.

* Emotionally immature and sometimes cold and frigid.

* Puts the blame on others for their own inadequacies.

* Is a frequent liar.

* Often lives in the past rather than the present.

The Sociopath

The sociopath will gain personal satisfaction from power and personal gain and will do anything for their own survival, signs of the sociopath bully are:

* Have a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

* Charming to those that can protect their position.

* Likes to be surrounded by people who are easily manipulated.

* Pursues endless vicious vendettas against anyone they perceive as a threat.

* Enjoys seeing others distress which can either be caused by themselves or others.

* Has no control or limit to their vindictiveness.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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Bullying Guide

Here we have compiled a series of answers to your bullying questions, providing in a bullying FAQ format:

What is bullying?

* Physical or mental abuse such as hitting, nipping, scratching, being called names and taunted on a daily basis.

* Receiving unwanted and often threatening e-mails, phone calls and text messages on a daily basis.

* Constantly being made to look foolish in the classroom by a teacher, such as being called stupid, thick and general put downs that happen on a daily basis.

* Constant attempts in the workplace to undermine your status, value, position and potential.

* Being put down or patronized constantly especially in front of others.

* Being overload at work or having major work taken away and menial tasks assigned to you on a constant basis.

* Having annual holidays, sick days and compassionate leave denied on a regular basis within the workplace.

* Being given disciplinary procedures for trivial reasons or made up ones on a regular basis in the workplace.

How do I recognize a bully?

* Bullies will very often be in gangs and will be the leader, they will delight in the power that they have over the victim and enjoy feeling powerful as head of a gang.

How can I tell if a school has a problem with bullying?

* Check the schools attendance records, schools which have a big problem with bullies usually have a bad attendance record. This is mainly due to victims of bullies having a lot of time off from school because of the bullying.

* Look for a high level of staff turnover, staff are reluctant to work in schools were bullying is rife.

* Check Ofsted reports for signs of bad behaviour on record.

My child is being bullied on the way to and from school

* Some schools have a policy that the school is responsible for a child’s safety until they reach home, other schools take no responsibility for your child once they have left the school premises. Most schools however will do all they can to help a child who is being bullied. Schools realize that if the bullying is occurring out of school then it will most likely continue in school if the children attend the same school.

My child was being bullied and now fights back and gets into trouble at school for it

* Make an appointment to go and talk with your child’s school and tell them your child was being bullied and explain that they have been told to stick up for themselves and have begun fighting back. Unfortunately most schools have a “two wrongs don’t make it right” policy and will class your child as misbehaving if they are fighting back against the bullies.

* Make sure your child understands that there are different ways of standing up to a bully and that hitting back isn’t always the best policy, explain to them that walking away doesn’t mean you are a coward and the bully is getting away with it but that it means they are a stronger and better person than the bully by just walking away.

The school my child attends seem to trivialize bullying

* All schools have to meet certain guidelines and all schools should have a policy regarding bullying and how to deal with them, if you think your child’s school isn’t taking bullying seriously then first you should make an appointment to speak with the head teacher and ask about the schools bullying policy.

Make it clear to them that your child is being bullied while in their care and present them with any evidence pertaining to the bullying incidents. If you are still not happy with what’s being done in school then take advice from higher authorities such as Ofsted.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

School policies to stop bullying

All schools have to have a policy in place regarding how to deal with bullies, this policy is required by law but schools may have different policies. None of the policies have been studied over the long term so it is hard to say if one works better than another but here are some of the policies that schools have to help combat bullying:

The support or no blame method

In this method the victim of the bully is asked to draw pictures or write a story or poem about the effects bullying has had on them, a meeting will then be held between a teacher and a group of children including the bully. Also in the group will be children who have witnessed the attacks and some that haven’t.

The teacher will then show the group the victim’s drawings or story and explain to the group the victim’s feelings and the effect bullying has had on them. The group is then open to discussion to find ways of finding a solution. The principle behind this is not to put blame on the bully in the hope that by doing so they will not feel threatened and is part of the solution rather than the problem.

Those in the group who witnessed the attacks are meant to see that by doing nothing they condoned the bullying. The group as a whole are asked for any ideas to solutions to stop bullying and responsibility is put on the group rather than a single person. The group will then be asked to carry out the solutions for a week and then they meet up again to discuss what if anything has been achieved.

Counseling between the bully and the victim

The idea is to bring the two together in a room with a teacher and let them both talk over their feelings, the victim has a chance to tell the bully the effect bullying has had and the bully can talk about why he/she feels that they act as they do.

Circle time

This policy is used mainly with younger children, who are experiencing bullying, children are encouraged to sit on the carpet in a circle and talk about how bullying makes them feel. Children are encouraged to listen to each other and to respect each others feelings.

Peer group programmes

This is a strategy that is widely used in schools and involves choosing pupils who will act as peer councillors, the idea behind it is that the whole school knows bullying won’t be tolerated so children who are new to the school moving up from juniors are assured that the school is a bully free zone and bullying is dealt with quickly.

The children chosen as peer councillors undergo training into the various effects bullying has on people and how to care for children who are being bullied. Some schools also have a box system whereby if someone is being bullied but they don’t want to approach the peer group then they can leave a message with their name on it to be collected. Text messaging and e-mails can also be sent and the whole programme is overseen by a teacher.

Filed under: Bullying In Schools

* Over 5000 people commit suicide.

* At least 16 young people or children commit suicide due to bullying.

* At east 19,000 children will have attempted suicide, this is one every half hour.

* For males between the ages of 18 and 24 suicide is the number one cause of death.

* Over 30% of the workforce in the United Kingdom suffer from mental health problems.

Bullying, harassment and abuse causes severe problems with our health these problems are often diagnosed as stress and anxiety but also includes depression.

Strategies for dealing with anger to help eliminate depression

All targets of bullies whatever their age or gender will eventually come to a boiling point if the anger is left to fester and eventually the smallest of irritations can cause an outburst. This trigger could come from our adversaries but more often than not it will come unwittingly from friends or family.

Anger controls a person and when we become angry we lose control, bullies know this and this is what they are aiming for, this is why a bully will constantly provoke you.

By holding in the anger you are risking your health and by expressing your anger with friends and family you are in theory allowing the bully to control you even after the event.

Here are some tips for getting the frustrations out quickly and early:

* Take an empty plastic milk carton and jump up and down on it until you feel better, do this in private of course.

* Visit a counselor or therapist and talk things through.

* Every time you have a negative thought remind yourself “I am responsible for how I feel”.

* Read books on anger management and ways of dealing with stress.

* Save up all your empty glass bottles and take them to a bottle bank, drop them in and hear the glass shatter, breaking glass is thought to be soothing.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel, all targets of bullies get angry and let the anger build up until it’s uncontrollable. The important thing is to manage this anger and let off steam when you feel the need to but always remain in control of the anger and don’t let it bring you to the brink of serious depression or worse – suicide.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

We have gathered a list of bullying facts to help you get a better understanding of bullying:

* Research has shown that 1 in 6 children are bullied in school.

* Bullying in the workplace varies from country to country, in Norway 5% of the workforce admit to being bullied while in the UK and USA 20% of the workforce say they have encountered bullying in the workplace.

* 1 in 30 workers are serial bullies.

* Bullying can continue for years.

* 84% of workers at some time in their life encounter intimidating behaviour.

* 73% of the workforce are unhappy and say the workplace is oppressive.

* 65% of the workforce won’t speak up out of fear.

* 43% felt a great deal of pressure especially when it came to meeting unrealistic targets.

* 40% of the workforce say they have encountered abusive language.

* 38% of the workforce have been on the receiving end of hurtful jokes or have been the victim of pranks.

* 23% have come across threatening behaviour in the workplace.

* 15% have been on the receiving end of a physical assault.

* 66% of the bullies encountered within the workplace were managers or supervisors.

* 1 in 4 primary school children are bullied more than once or twice a week in any one school term.

* 1 in 10 primary school children are bullied persistently.

* Over 25 children every year commit suicide because of bullying.

* More than a quarter of children get threats of physical violence while in school.

* Bullying against boys is a more frequent occurrence than by girls.

* Around 10% of children have time off school due to bullying.

* Up to 40% of children think teachers have no clue that bullying is happening within the school.

* About 17% of all calls to child help lines are made by children who are being bullied.

* More children in the age group of 12 call child help lines regarding bullying than any other age.

* Almost one third of secondary school children have reported being the object of sexual jokes, gestures or comments.

* Victims of bullying are more likely to suffer from common illnesses such as colds, sore throats and stomach problems.

* By the average age of 23 children who had been bullied in school were found to still suffer from depression and stress related illnesses.

* Nearly 60% of boys who were classified as bullies when they were younger had been convicted of at least one crime by the time they were 23.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying