Bullying Guide

If you find that your child is bullying others it can be a big shock, you will probably ask yourself questions such as “where did I go wrong?”, “what could I have done to prevent this?”. The answer in most cases is nothing, your child could have turned to bullying for several reasons and it is important that you remain calm and level headed and discuss with your child why they have turned to bullying.

There are several points you should discuss with your child such as:

* Talk with your child and get his/her side of the story, it may be that your child was being bullied themselves and has turned to bullying as a way of countering this. They may have gotten in with the wrong crowd and are being coerced into bullying by others to stay in with the crowd.

* Talk with your child and help them to understand how they are making other children feel by bullying them and the serious affects bullying can have on a child’s health. Make sure your child knows that bullying in any form is not acceptable for whatever reasons.

* If the bullying is happening in school then make an appointment to see members of staff in school, talk if possible with your child’s form teacher and make them aware of the problem if they didn’t already know. Ask if any changes have been made in school such as moving your child to sit with others, if they have been recently moved and are now mixing with a different group of children ask that they be moved again.

* Other children may be putting pressure on your child to bully or take part in bullying if this is the case and you are on speaking terms with the other child’s parents make them aware of what is happening, they will probably be just as eager to put a stop to it as you are once they realise what is happening.

* If other children are involved but you don’t know them or their parents then get the school involved and ask if they can organise a meeting between all parents of children who are involved in bullying.

* Find out if your child is having problems with learning in school, quite often a child will uses bullying as a cover up for having difficulties with learning in school.

* Is your child copying aggressive behaviour from family members, more than likely this could be older brothers or sisters, maybe they have in the past used aggression against their sibling.

* Talk with your child about how they feel about children who are more fortunate than themselves, maybe your child is jealous of someone who is always bragging or bringing “new belongings” to school.

* If bullying is happening during school holidays try and find ways to keep your child amused, try to spend more time with your child and do more family activities together to keep them busy.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.

The bully’s objective

The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.

When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.

Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.

Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.

Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.

The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.

It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.

The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:

* Denial

* Arrogance

* Unpredictability

* Be attention seekers

Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying