Harassment and bullying can sometimes be confused; harassment is generally unwanted and offending behaviour usually on a racial or sexual theme. Sexual harassment occurs when the attacks happen based on your gender or sexual orientation. Racial harassment is when the attacks happen because of the colour of your skin, race or cultural background.

Bullying is persistent unwanted behaviour which hurts or threatens a person regardless of sex or race. Harassment is covered by the discrimination act and the protection from harassment act but bullying is not, so clear decisions have to be made to determine whether you are the victim of harassment or being bullied. The main differences between bullying in the workplace and harassment are:

Harassment

Usually has a physical edge to it such as touching, intrusion into your personal space and damage done to your possessions.

Bullying

Is mostly psychological for example criticism about work or stealing work from you to use as their ideas.

Harassment

You are the focus of attention because of who you are for example, a woman, the colour of your skin or disabled.

Bullying

Anyone will do regardless of the colour of skin, sex or competence.

Harassment

Could just be a few incidents or many over time.

Bullying

Bullying is very rarely just a single occurrence and happens frequently.

Harassment

The victim realises they are being harassed straight away.

Bullying

The victim doesn’t realise what is happening to them at first.

Harassment

If there is an assault it is usually of a sexual or indecent nature.

Bullying

Bullying almost never consists of assaults of a sexual nature but mainly physical such as pushing or punching and is often mental abuse.

Harassment

There is often an element of being possessive for example stalking a person.

Bullying

Bullying is usually about controlling the person there and then, for example frightening someone or making them feel small in front of others.

Harassment

Offensive language relating to the colour of your skin or sex is often used such as “bitch” or “nigger”.

Bullying

Swear words can be used but in a different context and usually to state that you are useless or worthless.

Harassment

The problem occurs with the person both in and outside of work.

Bullying

The problem with the person only occurs in the workplace.

Harassment

The person sees the victim as easy prey.

Bullying

The victim is seen as a threat which must be controlled.

Harassment

The person will often have specific inadequacies in their life such as sexual problems.

Bullying

The bully will be inadequate in all areas of life.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

There are many different reasons why bullies target people but some reasons are consistent in most case of bullying, so what draws a bully to their target and why? Here are some of the reasons:

* Bullies are opportunists and usually it’s a case of you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and the bully found that they can intimidate you easily.

* The bully is jealous of you and secretly wishes they were like you.

* The bully is afraid of exposing their inadequacy and you only make them feel more inadequate especially if you are excellent at your job or school work.

* You are popular and therefore get more attention than the bully and this is how the bully wants to be.

* You are independent and don’t need to get strength from others, bullies often get strength from their “gang of followers” who find it funny that you are tormented.

* You have many friends who like to be with you just for you.

* You have nice possessions, the bully is often jealous of those who have what they don’t.

Do any special events cause bullying?

As a bully is usually jealous of others achievements there are many events that can trigger bullying such as:

* Your performance at school or work is highlighted by such as awards or praise.

* If for any reason you suddenly become the focus of attention, this often occurs with female bullies.

* Standing up for a friend or colleague who is being bullied.

* Telling tales, this can be incompetence at work for instance or something that is done illegally.

* Displays of affection and trust from others.

* Seeking advice from trade union officials during disputes at work.

* Refusing to obey orders you don’t think are fair.

* Gaining promotion in the work place.

Qualities that bullies find irresistible:

Bullies are particularly drawn to people with the following qualities:

* Popularity - This brings out the jealousy side of the bully.

* Intelligence - This only enhances the bully’s inadequacies.

* You always give 100% and will do anything to help others - This brings out jealousy In bullies.

* You are imaginative and creative - Again shows the bullies incompetence.

* You have a strong sense of right and wrong - The bully will never admit to being wrong.

* You prefer to talk rather than fight - The bully sees this as a sign of weakness.

* High level of tolerance - The bully will try and break you down through bullying to prove he is stronger than you.

What the bully really is:

* A convincing liar who will say and do anything to get out of trouble or around problems in their life.

* Is excellent in deceiving others particularly peers.

* Emotionally insecure and untrustworthy .

* An arrogant person who believes themselves to be untouchable.

* Has a need to control people and alienate them from others.

* They are always takers and never givers.

* Someone who poisons peoples minds with lies about you.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

If you find that your child is bullying others it can be a big shock, you will probably ask yourself questions such as “where did I go wrong?”, “what could I have done to prevent this?”. The answer in most cases is nothing, your child could have turned to bullying for several reasons and it is important that you remain calm and level headed and discuss with your child why they have turned to bullying.

There are several points you should discuss with your child such as:

* Talk with your child and get his/her side of the story, it may be that your child was being bullied themselves and has turned to bullying as a way of countering this. They may have gotten in with the wrong crowd and are being coerced into bullying by others to stay in with the crowd.

* Talk with your child and help them to understand how they are making other children feel by bullying them and the serious affects bullying can have on a child’s health. Make sure your child knows that bullying in any form is not acceptable for whatever reasons.

* If the bullying is happening in school then make an appointment to see members of staff in school, talk if possible with your child’s form teacher and make them aware of the problem if they didn’t already know. Ask if any changes have been made in school such as moving your child to sit with others, if they have been recently moved and are now mixing with a different group of children ask that they be moved again.

* Other children may be putting pressure on your child to bully or take part in bullying if this is the case and you are on speaking terms with the other child’s parents make them aware of what is happening, they will probably be just as eager to put a stop to it as you are once they realise what is happening.

* If other children are involved but you don’t know them or their parents then get the school involved and ask if they can organise a meeting between all parents of children who are involved in bullying.

* Find out if your child is having problems with learning in school, quite often a child will uses bullying as a cover up for having difficulties with learning in school.

* Is your child copying aggressive behaviour from family members, more than likely this could be older brothers or sisters, maybe they have in the past used aggression against their sibling.

* Talk with your child about how they feel about children who are more fortunate than themselves, maybe your child is jealous of someone who is always bragging or bringing “new belongings” to school.

* If bullying is happening during school holidays try and find ways to keep your child amused, try to spend more time with your child and do more family activities together to keep them busy.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

This type of bullying occurs when stress causes the behaviour to deteriorate and a person will become short tempered, maybe curse a lot and be easily irritated. Most of us will have felt like this at sometimes or other but we can usually deal with it and it has no serious consequences on others and once the pressure has passed our behaviour returns to normal.

We will often feel silly and apologise for our behaviour and any offence it caused others. The bully though will have no control of it and this behaviour happens more frequently and they take it out on people around them, they feel no remorse and the thought of an apology will never enter their heads.

Corporate bullying

This type of bullying in the workplace occurs when the employer abuses employees knowing full well that people will be afraid to stand up to them for fear of losing their job. Instances of corporate bullying are:

* Forcing employees to work more than 60/70 hours on a regular basis, indicating to those that refuse there are plenty of people out there who would work those hours given the chance.

* Denies employees annual leave or sick leave to which they are entitled to.

* Sees any employee as weak or inadequate if they are prone to stress, while denying and refusing to take responsibility that they are a cause of the stress.

* Encourages an employee usually with promises of promotion or threats of disciplinary action to make complaints about colleagues.

Client bullying

This type of bullying occurs when employees are being bullied by those they serve for example a teacher being bullied by pupils, nurses and carers being bullied by those they take care of or shop staff being bullied by customers.

Secondary bullying

This type of bullying usually is unwittingly done and often occurs when bullying is rife in the workplace and the general behaviour of all employees decreases to the point when they start turning on others

Gang bullying

Gang bullying is often predominant in cooperate bullying and bullies will work in a gang to accomplish what they want to achieve. A common tactic used by gang bullying is telling everyone a different story, usually about what each have said about the person to get them against each other. Gang bullying is also called mobbing and usually involves victimisation and scapegoating

It is thought that over 75% of all cases reported of bullying in the workplace are done by managers or supervisors and that bullying is more wide spread than documented, the main reason for bullying in the workplace not being reported is fear of losing the job and further victimisation.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Image via Wikipedia

Persistent bullying can have very serious consequences on the health; relentless bullying day after day causes stress and with stress comes effects on the health such as fatigue, depression, anxiety, phobias and panic attacks. Anyone who is being bullied will eventually find it stressful and symptoms will begin to show if they are continually faced with stressful situations day after day.

Stress

The signs of stress first usually appear as sleepless nights, aches, pains and stomach problems.

The physical symptoms of stress

People suffering from stress will find that they catch more colds and generally feel run down all the time; this is down to a reduced immune system. General aches and pains may begin to show such as back pain, chest pain and headaches, other symptoms include dizziness, sweating, palpitations, skin disorders and loss of appetite.

Physiological symptoms

Symptoms such as panic attacks are common in someone suffering from stress and anxiety, feelings such as a dread of something unknown happening, feelings of loneliness, suicide, desperation and an intense fear. Poor concentration and forgetfulness are also common effects in someone suffering from depression due to stress.

Behavioural symptoms

A person suffering from stress can often be very tearful, irritable, become obsessive or have angry outbursts. A person can also become over sensitive, for example they may think everyone is talking about them when they walk into a room. Indecision, a loss of the sense of humour and excessive nail biting, teeth grinding and scratching can all be signs of stress.

Personality changes

The person suffering from stress will most probably begin to withdraw into themselves, preferring to stay at home where once they would have enjoyed going out with friends. They will have loss of self esteem, self image and self worth.

The usual response to stress is what is known as the “fight or flight” mechanism and this will occur many times a day in someone who is stressed and full of anxiety, this can happen for no reason and when the person is in no particular danger at that very moment and is termed a “panic attack”.

In the beginning these can happen every once in a while but continual exposure to stress can trigger them every few minutes. The person suffering can then even trigger a panic attack just by the mere thought of one occurring.

Serious prolonged attacks of bullying can result in the target shutting out what is happening to them and sometimes who is responsible for the bullying.

This can have consequences for those trying to help the victim put a stop to it so the quicker help is given the better, especially when it might be necessary to take legal action against the bully. Victims of bullies often don’t report the incidents for reasons such as:

* Fear they will not be believed.

* If they report the bullying then any action taken could make the situation worse for them.

* The person feels shame of being bullied.

* The person feels bewilderment about what happened and asks themselves why me.

* Bullying causes stress and this can prevent the person from being able identify the bullies.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Image via Wikipedia

There are many different forms of bullying, it isn’t all physical violence it is also verbal or social abuse, this can be by way of intimidation, making nasty comments and excluding the person. Bullying can consist of threatening, persistent teasing, name calling, ignoring, gossiping and spreading vicious rumours. This done day in day out over a long period of time can have serious effects on your child’s health both physically and mentally.

Stages of bullying

When your child first begins to be bullied the effects can be minor, your child will of course be upset at what is happening to them and may often come home tearful, and they will perhaps go off their food and can also begin to have sleepless nights or bad dreams. If the bullying continues your child will then come up with more and more excuses to not to go to school, they will say they have a stomach ache, headache or other minor illness.

Perhaps if the bullying is taking place in just one or two lessons say for instance PE then they will make excuses just on particular days when they have those lessons. Gradually over a period of time your child will begin to show signs of stress developing; they may look tired and drawn, not sleeping very well, be very nervous and jittery, refuse to go out after school or begin to have panic attacks.

Ideally the problem should never reach this stage because the effects of stress from bullying can lead to self harm and suicide. By this stage you will know something is seriously wrong with your child and probably school will have noticed a big difference in your child too as stress affects learning.

More often than not children are reluctant to tell if they are being bullied due to their own feelings of guilt and shame, only occasionally are they too afraid of the bullies threats to tell.

The four common types of bullying

* Verbal bullying - This type of bullying is very often done by girls; it is a very cruel form of bullying and can have deep lasting affects on your child mentally even when the bullying has been stopped. Verbal bullying consists of name calling, sarcasm, teasing and spreading rumours.

* Social bullying - excluding your child from the group is a popular form of social bullying, bullies of this type will often make your child the scapegoat and humiliate them at every opportunity in front of others.

* Physical bullying - This form of bullying is one used mostly by boys and only occasionally girls, it takes the form of hitting, pinching, poking, pushing, chasing and destroying or stealing possessions.

* Cyber bullying - This form of bullying is becoming more widespread and consists of sending hateful text messages, e-mails or spreading rumours by these methods. Occasionally serious prank phone calls are made to the victim usually to scare them and is a form of bullying favoured by girls.

Whichever form of bullying takes place it can have serious health related issues long after the bullying has been dealt with and stopped, it may take a long time for your child to fully recover from the ordeal particularly if the bullying happened over a long period of time.

The quicker the problem is caught and dealt with the quicker your child can start to put it behind them and get on with their life. Even so your child may need to see a Doctor especially when dealing with the effects of stress.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

When we think of bullying we think of children in school, while it is true the majority of bullying does occur in school in the playgrounds it is something that happens in the workplace and in the home too. Bullying has also taken on a new form with the modern technology of today and is no longer confined just to the playground, bullying now occurs in cyber form via email and text messaging with cell phones.

Bullying in schools

Most bullying often occurs in playgrounds and at lunch breaks and can take on different forms such as your child being bullied for money at lunchtime or for sweets to more serious forms of continually hounding your child just for the sheer fun of it.

Bullying can also occur during lessons particularly in full classes or during sports lessons and isn’t confined in school bullies can also make your child’s life hell going to and from school. Sometimes bullying can also come from those we entrust our children’s safety to, teachers.

Cyber bullying

With the modern technology of today bullying has taken on a new form, it is now a common occurrence for children to have computers in their rooms and bullies have seized upon this opportunity to find new ways to bully.

Although harm isn’t being done to a child physically it is still bullying and often mental bullying is far worse than actual physical harm. Bullies have also seized on the opportunity of cell phones and can terrorise their victims by sending text messages and prank phone calls.

Bullying in the workplace

It isn’t just children who are victimised by bullies; adults can also fall foul of them in the workplace. We all known how younger new recruits in the workplace are usually called upon for all the jobs that no one wants to do, it’s a standard joke they are the “gophers” but bullying in the workplace is something entirely different from being the butt of jokes such as that.

Forms of bullying in the workplace can be persistently given the lower paid or dirty jobs, refusal of holidays for no good reason and promotions being denied in favour of more well liked people on the staff.

Bullying in the home

Bullying in the home can either be the husband or occasionally the wife bullying the spouse, the children or the whole family, bullying in this form often consists of mental cruelty rather than physical.

Bullying in the form of mental cruelty is one that is often favoured by the bully because words often hurt more than physical harm, also there is no evidence and bullies after all are cowards and don’t want to get caught.

Bullies also like to be in total control and have a power over people and mental cruelty is often far more effective and gives the bully a deeper sense of satisfaction and control.

Whatever form of bullying occurs be it a child or an adult in the workplace or in the home environment it is important for those suffering to be taken seriously.

Bullying is treated the same wherever it happens and to whom, standing up to the bully and refusing to be victimised any longer is the key and there are several organisations that can give advice on dealing with bullying of any form.

If you need help then your local citizen’s advice bureau will be able to put you in touch with organisations in your area.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Image via Wikipedia

When we think of bullying in school it is the children we think of as being the bullies against one another but a recent report showed that more and more teachers are being subjected to bullying in the classroom, this is usually in secondary schools but can also occur even in junior schools and sometimes the bullying doesn’t end when school is out but continues in the teachers’ home life too.

It is thought that half of all teachers in secondary schools have at some time or another been the victim of bullying by pupils. The incidents of bullying in the classroom range from violent behaviour against the teacher such as kicks and pushes to strong verbal abuse and general bad behaviour in the classroom.

Among those teachers that admitted to being bullied in the classroom over 10% of them said the bullying continued away from school and into their home life. Some cases of bullying had gotten so bad that the teacher had been forced to move away from the area due to the persistent harassment by pupils during weekends and evenings.

Admitting being bullied doesn’t make you a bad teacher

It is thought that the problem is more widespread than it seems and that many more teachers face bullies everyday in the classroom but are afraid to admit it. It is thought that teachers won’t admit to the problem and seek help because they fear people will think they are bad teachers.

Bullying can happen to all teachers and more so the young and inexperienced just starting out, it doesn’t take long before several 14 year olds will realise the vulnerability of the teacher and they will take advantage of the situation.

Repetitive bullying

Once children have found this vulnerability in a particular teacher they can make that teachers life hell, the bullying will probably start out as name calling back and forth among class mates and making jokes about the teacher, if the teacher doesn’t quickly nip it in the bud and establish who is in control of the classroom control can quickly turn over to the children.

The bullying can then turn into something nastier such as pushing and hitting the teacher or stealing possessions, the teacher will come to hate going to school to teach and eventually if the problem is left to fester can result in the teacher having a nervous breakdown. The breakdown occurs due to the persistent abuse over a long period of time be it mental or physical abuse.

Victims of classroom bullying shouldn’t be afraid

One of the main reasons that teachers and head teachers are afraid to admit to bullying occurs within the classroom and school is fear that the school will be considered “bad”. There is however no shame in admitting a problem and parents of the bullies should be informed what is happening within the classroom.

Most parents will understand that a constant level of verbal or physical abuse in the classroom will be a frightening experience for teachers and most parents will back the school 100%.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Anyone who is being bullied will eventually have feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment, these feelings are only normal when you are being victimised day in and day out over a long period of time. The victim of the bully will eventually begin to ask themselves “why me” and will feel embarrassment, guilt and shame that they can’t stand up to the bully and deal with what is happening to them by themselves.

It is important to remember that in fact there are very few people who could deal with persistent bullying over long periods of time by themselves. Persistent bullies are also called serial bullies and there are primarily four different types of serial bully, the attention seeker, the wannabe, the guru and the sociopath:

The Attention seeker

The attention seeker will always want to be the focus of attention; they are control freaks who are excellent in manipulating people. Signs of the attention seeker are:

* Emotionally insecure and immature.

* Has selective friends for example they can be over sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others and the rest of the people are just ignored.

* Very aggressive to anyone who sees them for what they are.

* Can be over friendly with their chosen target in the beginning, this gives a person a false sense of security.

* Everything that happens to them is a “drama”.

* Prefers not to solve any problems they have in their own life, this way they can continue gaining attention and sympathy.

* Has lots of self pity.

The Wannabe

This type of bully will crave respect for being competent despite severely lacking in competence, signs of the wannabe are:

* An underperformer or achiever.

* Craves undeserved respect and attention.

* Has no qualifications but says they have.

* Or very envious or jealous of others.

* Steals ideas from others and uses them as their own.

* Are very easily provoked and quick to anger.

* Female wannabes will surround themselves with people of the opposite sex delighting in the attention.

* Gives the appearance of loyalty but discards a person when they have served the purpose of the bully.

* Is likely to make friends or have affairs to gain power, status or position.

The Guru

The guru very often has the inability to understand how others feel, signs of the guru are:

* Will do anything to succeed.

* Isn’t very good with people and is often a loner.

* Does not accept responsibility for their own behaviour.

* Emotionally immature and sometimes cold and frigid.

* Puts the blame on others for their own inadequacies.

* Is a frequent liar.

* Often lives in the past rather than the present.

The Sociopath

The sociopath will gain personal satisfaction from power and personal gain and will do anything for their own survival, signs of the sociopath bully are:

* Have a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

* Charming to those that can protect their position.

* Likes to be surrounded by people who are easily manipulated.

* Pursues endless vicious vendettas against anyone they perceive as a threat.

* Enjoys seeing others distress which can either be caused by themselves or others.

* Has no control or limit to their vindictiveness.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Image via Wikipedia

We all know that our children can be bullied in school but when this happens it is usually a fellow pupil who is the culprit but now it seems that your child is vulnerable to another kind of bullying, by teachers. Bullying done in this form is all verbal and done to make your child look stupid amongst his/her classmates; this is usually by name calling such as telling the child they are stupid in front of the whole class.

There has not being much written on the topic of teachers bullying pupils for obvious reasons, but a recent survey came to light revealing that 25% of the teachers who were questioned about bullying admitted they had to some degree during their career with 2% stating they did it on a regular basis.

Signs to watch for in your child

When teachers are the ones who are bullying children, the children are even more reluctant to tell someone than if it is other children who are doing the bullying.

This could be because they were brought up to respect older people and teachers are authority figures after all, so when the teacher becomes the bully this can be as confusing as it is upsetting for the child. Some signs that your child may be having serious problems with a teacher are

* Changes in your Child’s behaviour - Children who are bullied by teachers will often have headaches, stomach aches or any other little illness on certain days of the week, this is usually when they are in lessons with a particular teacher who is bullying them.

* Complaints of being picked on - Pay attention if your child complains of being picked on in school especially if one teachers name keeps cropping up all the time.

* Signs of contempt - if your child talks to you about an incident with a teacher get them to tell you in as much detail as possible about what happened, particularly the teachers tone of voice and the way your child was spoken to in front of the class.

Finding solutions to stop bullying by teachers

Bullying must be stopped in whatever form it takes and whoever does it, your child must understand that bullying is not acceptable and that they are not alone, it is important for parents to remain calm and not stoop to the level of the bully, parents of course will be outraged that the teacher is a bully, after all these are the people you entrust the care of your child to for hours a day.

* Arrange a meeting - arrange a meeting with the head teacher and the teacher in question and voice your concerns about your child being victimised in the classroom.

* Write a letter - Put down in writing the incidences that occur in the classroom and the way your child has changed because of the behaviour of the teacher, this way the teacher can see how his/her behaviour is affecting the child and of course they also know that you know what is happening in the classroom and that notes are being kept.

* Be prepared to go to higher authorities - If you are not satisfied with the way the school or teachers deal with any complaints, this could be writing to Ofsted or the board of education.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying