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It is important to let your child know that you are there for them if they are the victim of bullies, your child will have had feelings of guilt and shame for probably a long time before eventually confiding in someone that they are the victim of a bully.
So it is essential that you take them seriously and let them know that you don’t blame them for what is happening to them, it is all too easy to tell your child to stick up for themselves but this only makes things worse and deepens the shame your child feels and this was probably the very reason they kept it a secret in the first place.
By confiding in someone particularly their own parent your child has shown a great deal of inner strength and this should be pointed out to them and deserves your praise.
* Be a good listener – We all know that a problem shared is a problem halved and this is true, one of the most important ways you can help your child is to talk about what is happening to them and how they feel.
Just by knowing you support them will be a big step towards dealing with the bullying, when you first start talking about the bullying it is understandable that as a parent you will be upset, after all your child is suffering, but try not to let your child see you are upset because they could see this as your disappointment in them.
* Reassure your child - You should always reassure your child that they are not to blame for what is happening, try to explain to them that bullies are people who feel inadequate about themselves and who are jealous of others.
Questions you can ask your child
There are questions that you could ask your child such as:
* Do they encounter problems walking to school or on the bus to school and how do they feel about going to and from school, have they seen other children bullied?
* Do they have problems in the school yard before entering school or coming out of school and how they feel about it?
* When does the bullying usually occur the most in school, do they have problems during break time, dinner time or is the bullying taking place during lessons?
* Do they know if the bullies threaten anyone else in school?
* Does the bullying occur at weekends or evenings when away from school?
* Do they receive emails, text messages or prank phone calls, if so discuss how your child feels about this and ways of dealing with it.
Asking your child questions rather than waiting for them to offer might be easier and asking about other children being bullied will emphasis that they aren’t the only victims of bullies.
If the victim of bullying is a younger child then asking them to draw what is happening to them or how they are feeling might be easier, role playing using toys can often be a big help also. Stress to your child that the bullying can be dealt with together rather than you will sort it out for them, this way the child won’t feel useless and ashamed.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
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Bullying Guide
Here we have compiled a series of answers to your bullying questions, providing in a bullying FAQ format:
What is bullying?
* Physical or mental abuse such as hitting, nipping, scratching, being called names and taunted on a daily basis.
* Receiving unwanted and often threatening e-mails, phone calls and text messages on a daily basis.
* Constantly being made to look foolish in the classroom by a teacher, such as being called stupid, thick and general put downs that happen on a daily basis.
* Constant attempts in the workplace to undermine your status, value, position and potential.
* Being put down or patronized constantly especially in front of others.
* Being overload at work or having major work taken away and menial tasks assigned to you on a constant basis.
* Having annual holidays, sick days and compassionate leave denied on a regular basis within the workplace.
* Being given disciplinary procedures for trivial reasons or made up ones on a regular basis in the workplace.
How do I recognize a bully?
* Bullies will very often be in gangs and will be the leader, they will delight in the power that they have over the victim and enjoy feeling powerful as head of a gang.
How can I tell if a school has a problem with bullying?
* Check the schools attendance records, schools which have a big problem with bullies usually have a bad attendance record. This is mainly due to victims of bullies having a lot of time off from school because of the bullying.
* Look for a high level of staff turnover, staff are reluctant to work in schools were bullying is rife.
* Check Ofsted reports for signs of bad behaviour on record.
My child is being bullied on the way to and from school
* Some schools have a policy that the school is responsible for a child’s safety until they reach home, other schools take no responsibility for your child once they have left the school premises. Most schools however will do all they can to help a child who is being bullied. Schools realize that if the bullying is occurring out of school then it will most likely continue in school if the children attend the same school.
My child was being bullied and now fights back and gets into trouble at school for it
* Make an appointment to go and talk with your child’s school and tell them your child was being bullied and explain that they have been told to stick up for themselves and have begun fighting back. Unfortunately most schools have a “two wrongs don’t make it right” policy and will class your child as misbehaving if they are fighting back against the bullies.
* Make sure your child understands that there are different ways of standing up to a bully and that hitting back isn’t always the best policy, explain to them that walking away doesn’t mean you are a coward and the bully is getting away with it but that it means they are a stronger and better person than the bully by just walking away.
The school my child attends seem to trivialize bullying
* All schools have to meet certain guidelines and all schools should have a policy regarding bullying and how to deal with them, if you think your child’s school isn’t taking bullying seriously then first you should make an appointment to speak with the head teacher and ask about the schools bullying policy.
Make it clear to them that your child is being bullied while in their care and present them with any evidence pertaining to the bullying incidents. If you are still not happy with what’s being done in school then take advice from higher authorities such as Ofsted.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
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Bullying In Cyberworld
With the modern technology of today bullying has taken on a new form, cyber bullying. With pay as you go phones being easy and cheap to buy more and more children are falling victim to cyber bullying and its effects are just the same if not worse. Cyber bulling is mental abuse and can leave the victim in constant fear, bulling this way is usually done via text message and what is termed as prank calls where very often the caller will phone many times and not even speak.
What you can do to combat cyber bullying
Never ignore cyber bullying in any form, be it text messaging, e-mail or prank calls to your phone. It is also important not to respond to bullies the way they want, never answer e-mails or text messages but do save them on your phone or computer. It is hard to trace text messages but e-mails have information in what is called headers which can be traced.
It can often be helpful if you keep a record of what its happening to you by keeping a journal of the attacks, be precise when keeping a record, if you know who the person or people are then record their names along with times and dates and what was said .Always remember the golden rule and never be tempted to reply in any shape or form to any messages, texts or emails that you are sent.
Be aware
Never underestimate the power of bullying this way, bullying in this form has the same consequences has any other form of bullying and should be taken just as seriously. Cyber bulling may start off as just the odd one or two text messages at first after a falling out with friends but it can quickly turn into something more sinister before you realize, this is why you should always be aware and start and keep records from the beginning.
Stay in control
Bullying is all about control, the bully wants to have a hold over you and keep you afraid so always stay in control of the situation and don’t let them think what their doing is affecting you. Nine times out of ten if the bullies don’t see results they will get fed up and leave you alone.
If the bully is sending you text messages in school or when you’re out with friends then very often they may be watching for your reaction when you receive them, try not to let them see the messages upset you just calmly put your phone away and pretend you don’t care.
Understand how the bullies mind works
Try to remember the bully can only be a bully if you let them; bullies thrive on power, the power of frightening people. If you don’t react to their threats then you take power away from them and they become nothing more than the weak cowardly person they really are.
Bullies are also attention seekers and need to feed from your reactions whatever your reaction might be, if they think they are bothering you then the bullying will continue if they don’t get any reaction from you they quickly tire.
What you can do to put a stop to the bullying
Cyber bullying is very similar to stalking and text messages are generally hard to trace, however if the bullying continues to the point where it starts to affect your health and you have kept records then your telephone service provider may be able to suggest ways of putting an end to it.
In serious cases contact the police they can often help particularly if you know who the person is, they might suggest that you bring harassment charges against the offenders or at the very least go and talk with them.
Above all talk with someone about what is happening to you, if you are a child then talk with your parents or teachers and shown them the evidence you have been keeping, always remember that you are not at fault and have nothing to feel guilty about and that bullying happens in many forms and to many people in many different ways.
Filed under: Cyber Bullying
Bullying Guide
If you are being bullied in school then you can go to your teachers for help and they must do everything they can to straighten it out and stop the bullying while you’re in school. Bullying however can continue outside of school during the weekends and holidays and school has nothing to do with the bullying when this happens, so what can be done to put a stop to bullying outside of school? There are several ways that you can help to make life easier for yourself if you are being bullied outside of school, these include:
* Ask you friends to call for you before you go out instead of walking to friends’ homes on your own.
* Try taking a slightly different route than you would normally take if you are alone.
* If you’re out alone in the dark then stick to well lit streets.
* Try avoiding areas that you know bullies hang out such as shops, playgrounds and parks.
* Get a personal safety alarm or a whistle and use it if you are threatened.
* If bullies call you names don’t reply just ignore them and carry on walking.
* If you have an a older brother or sister then let them walk with you to your friends’ house.
* Get a lift from your parents to a friends’ house.
Most bullies think it’s clever to call you names they know will upset you and any reaction you have to them name calling will only egg them on and they will do it all the more. If they see that you are upset then they will torment you more so try not to show that their behaviour upsets you or frightens you.
Tell someone you’re being bullied
It is very important that you tell someone if you are or have been bullied on any occasion, whether this is at school or home, it is not a sign of weakness and it doesn’t mean you are a coward for not dealing with it yourself.
If you are being hit or kicked then the person doing this could get into serious trouble as it is a criminal offence and even making obscene gestures and calling you names is termed as harassment. Often children are afraid that they won’t be taken seriously when they say they’re being bullied but more and more attention is being paid to bullying and it is taken very seriously by parents, teachers and the police.
It can be helpful particularly if the police have to become involved if you have kept a journal of the bullying in as much detail as you can. For example writing down dates and times and what was said or done at the time.
What will be done about the bullying?
If you are being bullied on a daily basis by the same person and they are physically harming you as well as mentally then your parents can call the police and someone will come and talk to you about the bullying.
Special police community support officers will usually get involved and they will come and talk to both you and the person responsible for the bullying. In most cases this sorts the problem out as the police will often give the child an unofficial warning, if it doesn’t or the bullying gets worse then the police will come back and take statements from you and they might recommend that you bring criminal charges against the bully.
If the bully admits what they have done then probably they will have to visit the police station and a caution will be given if it goes further then they may have to attend a court hearing and be prosecuted and it will go down on record.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
School policies to stop bullying
All schools have to have a policy in place regarding how to deal with bullies, this policy is required by law but schools may have different policies. None of the policies have been studied over the long term so it is hard to say if one works better than another but here are some of the policies that schools have to help combat bullying:
The support or no blame method
In this method the victim of the bully is asked to draw pictures or write a story or poem about the effects bullying has had on them, a meeting will then be held between a teacher and a group of children including the bully. Also in the group will be children who have witnessed the attacks and some that haven’t.
The teacher will then show the group the victim’s drawings or story and explain to the group the victim’s feelings and the effect bullying has had on them. The group is then open to discussion to find ways of finding a solution. The principle behind this is not to put blame on the bully in the hope that by doing so they will not feel threatened and is part of the solution rather than the problem.
Those in the group who witnessed the attacks are meant to see that by doing nothing they condoned the bullying. The group as a whole are asked for any ideas to solutions to stop bullying and responsibility is put on the group rather than a single person. The group will then be asked to carry out the solutions for a week and then they meet up again to discuss what if anything has been achieved.
Counseling between the bully and the victim
The idea is to bring the two together in a room with a teacher and let them both talk over their feelings, the victim has a chance to tell the bully the effect bullying has had and the bully can talk about why he/she feels that they act as they do.
Circle time
This policy is used mainly with younger children, who are experiencing bullying, children are encouraged to sit on the carpet in a circle and talk about how bullying makes them feel. Children are encouraged to listen to each other and to respect each others feelings.
Peer group programmes
This is a strategy that is widely used in schools and involves choosing pupils who will act as peer councillors, the idea behind it is that the whole school knows bullying won’t be tolerated so children who are new to the school moving up from juniors are assured that the school is a bully free zone and bullying is dealt with quickly.
The children chosen as peer councillors undergo training into the various effects bullying has on people and how to care for children who are being bullied. Some schools also have a box system whereby if someone is being bullied but they don’t want to approach the peer group then they can leave a message with their name on it to be collected. Text messaging and e-mails can also be sent and the whole programme is overseen by a teacher.
Filed under: Bullying In Schools
Bullying At Work
Bullying in the workplace can be dealt with the same as any type of bullying; bullies awe secretive cowards whatever their age. The bully in the workplace will lie to achieve their goal and deceive others around them. They are extremely clever but so are you and you can beat the bully. There are certain things you have to remember when dealing with a bully in the workplace, these are:
* Start to gain control back
Recognize what is happening to you and admit that you are being bullied, there is no shame in it and it’s not something you are at fault for. Criticisms about your work are made to put you down and to get you second guessing yourself, don’t give in to these fears, if you know you are producing work of a high standard and the boss has no complaints then don’t worry needlessly .To do this you are playing right into the bully’s hands and giving them the satisfaction they crave.
* You are not alone
It is important to remember that you are not alone in what you are going through, bullying in the workplace is a common occurrence. Many people associate bullying with children in school but it is a wide spread problem which can occur in some shape or form anywhere.
Bullying in the workplace however usually consists of mental cruelty more than physical violence with the bully wanting the attention or credit you get for the work you produce.
It often happens that the bully will steal your ideas for their own, do not let the bully make you feel shame, guilt or fear; this is what the bully relies upon to keep their hold over you. Guilt and fear strategies are the bully’s best friend for this is how all abusers silence their victims.
* Don’t try to handle bullying alone
Bullies pick on those who are afraid to tell others of the problem therefore it is important to remember there is no shame in asking for help, the bully will try hard to make you feel inadequate and belittle their victim making them believe that asking for help and not being able to deal with the problem on your own like an adult is cowardly. If necessary tell a colleague at the very least or preferably the boss, bullying is harassment and most workplaces won’t tolerate harassment.
* Take action against the bully
Keep a written account of the incidents of bullying, write in great detail what happened and where, including times and dates. If the bully has sent memos, emails or text messages be sure to keep copies of them but never reply to them.
It can also be worthwhile purchasing a hand held mini tape recorder or a phone which has recording capabilities and capture the bullies own words.
Talk with other employees very often the bully will not target just one person but several in the workplace, get together with colleagues and make a stand together against the bully. The bully will be very reluctant to continue with the abuse once they realize they have been found out.
Filed under: Bullying In The Workplace
Bullying Guide
Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.
The bully’s objective
The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.
When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.
Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.
Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.
Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.
The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.
It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.
The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:
* Denial
* Arrogance
* Unpredictability
* Be attention seekers
Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
Bullying Guide
Being bullied causes a great deal of conflicting feelings, one of these being anger and since the victim of a bully is usually a non violent person this anger gets held in and can be one of the main causes of depression. Victims of bullies will eventually arrive at the point where they can no longer hold in this anger, this is when they reach the point of boiling and a release of the internal pressure is needed.
As the person is generally a non violent one they can very often turn to hurting themselves instead of lashing out at the bully and very often even attempt suicide. In the United Kingdom alone it is thought that each year:
* Over 5000 people commit suicide.
* At least 16 young people or children commit suicide due to bullying.
* At east 19,000 children will have attempted suicide, this is one every half hour.
* For males between the ages of 18 and 24 suicide is the number one cause of death.
* Over 30% of the workforce in the United Kingdom suffer from mental health problems.
Bullying, harassment and abuse causes severe problems with our health these problems are often diagnosed as stress and anxiety but also includes depression.
Strategies for dealing with anger to help eliminate depression
All targets of bullies whatever their age or gender will eventually come to a boiling point if the anger is left to fester and eventually the smallest of irritations can cause an outburst. This trigger could come from our adversaries but more often than not it will come unwittingly from friends or family.
Anger controls a person and when we become angry we lose control, bullies know this and this is what they are aiming for, this is why a bully will constantly provoke you.
By holding in the anger you are risking your health and by expressing your anger with friends and family you are in theory allowing the bully to control you even after the event.
Here are some tips for getting the frustrations out quickly and early:
* Take an empty plastic milk carton and jump up and down on it until you feel better, do this in private of course.
* Visit a counselor or therapist and talk things through.
* Every time you have a negative thought remind yourself “I am responsible for how I feel”.
* Read books on anger management and ways of dealing with stress.
* Save up all your empty glass bottles and take them to a bottle bank, drop them in and hear the glass shatter, breaking glass is thought to be soothing.
It is important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel, all targets of bullies get angry and let the anger build up until it’s uncontrollable. The important thing is to manage this anger and let off steam when you feel the need to but always remain in control of the anger and don’t let it bring you to the brink of serious depression or worse – suicide.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
We have gathered a list of bullying facts to help you get a better understanding of bullying:
* Research has shown that 1 in 6 children are bullied in school.
* Bullying in the workplace varies from country to country, in Norway 5% of the workforce admit to being bullied while in the UK and USA 20% of the workforce say they have encountered bullying in the workplace.
* 1 in 30 workers are serial bullies.
* Bullying can continue for years.
* 84% of workers at some time in their life encounter intimidating behaviour.
* 73% of the workforce are unhappy and say the workplace is oppressive.
* 65% of the workforce won’t speak up out of fear.
* 43% felt a great deal of pressure especially when it came to meeting unrealistic targets.
* 40% of the workforce say they have encountered abusive language.
* 38% of the workforce have been on the receiving end of hurtful jokes or have been the victim of pranks.
* 23% have come across threatening behaviour in the workplace.
* 15% have been on the receiving end of a physical assault.
* 66% of the bullies encountered within the workplace were managers or supervisors.
* 1 in 4 primary school children are bullied more than once or twice a week in any one school term.
* 1 in 10 primary school children are bullied persistently.
* Over 25 children every year commit suicide because of bullying.
* More than a quarter of children get threats of physical violence while in school.
* Bullying against boys is a more frequent occurrence than by girls.
* Around 10% of children have time off school due to bullying.
* Up to 40% of children think teachers have no clue that bullying is happening within the school.
* About 17% of all calls to child help lines are made by children who are being bullied.
* More children in the age group of 12 call child help lines regarding bullying than any other age.
* Almost one third of secondary school children have reported being the object of sexual jokes, gestures or comments.
* Victims of bullying are more likely to suffer from common illnesses such as colds, sore throats and stomach problems.
* By the average age of 23 children who had been bullied in school were found to still suffer from depression and stress related illnesses.
* Nearly 60% of boys who were classified as bullies when they were younger had been convicted of at least one crime by the time they were 23.
Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying
