So it is essential that you take them seriously and let them know that you don’t blame them for what is happening to them, it is all too easy to tell your child to stick up for themselves but this only makes things worse and deepens the shame your child feels and this was probably the very reason they kept it a secret in the first place.

By confiding in someone particularly their own parent your child has shown a great deal of inner strength and this should be pointed out to them and deserves your praise.

* Be a good listener – We all know that a problem shared is a problem halved and this is true, one of the most important ways you can help your child is to talk about what is happening to them and how they feel.

Just by knowing you support them will be a big step towards dealing with the bullying, when you first start talking about the bullying it is understandable that as a parent you will be upset, after all your child is suffering, but try not to let your child see you are upset because they could see this as your disappointment in them.

* Reassure your child - You should always reassure your child that they are not to blame for what is happening, try to explain to them that bullies are people who feel inadequate about themselves and who are jealous of others.

Questions you can ask your child

There are questions that you could ask your child such as:

* Do they encounter problems walking to school or on the bus to school and how do they feel about going to and from school, have they seen other children bullied?

* Do they have problems in the school yard before entering school or coming out of school and how they feel about it?

* When does the bullying usually occur the most in school, do they have problems during break time, dinner time or is the bullying taking place during lessons?

* Do they know if the bullies threaten anyone else in school?

* Does the bullying occur at weekends or evenings when away from school?

* Do they receive emails, text messages or prank phone calls, if so discuss how your child feels about this and ways of dealing with it.

Asking your child questions rather than waiting for them to offer might be easier and asking about other children being bullied will emphasis that they aren’t the only victims of bullies.

If the victim of bullying is a younger child then asking them to draw what is happening to them or how they are feeling might be easier, role playing using toys can often be a big help also. Stress to your child that the bullying can be dealt with together rather than you will sort it out for them, this way the child won’t feel useless and ashamed.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying