Bullying Guide

There are many different reasons why bullies target people but some reasons are consistent in most case of bullying, so what draws a bully to their target and why? Here are some of the reasons:

* Bullies are opportunists and usually it’s a case of you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and the bully found that they can intimidate you easily.

* The bully is jealous of you and secretly wishes they were like you.

* The bully is afraid of exposing their inadequacy and you only make them feel more inadequate especially if you are excellent at your job or school work.

* You are popular and therefore get more attention than the bully and this is how the bully wants to be.

* You are independent and don’t need to get strength from others, bullies often get strength from their “gang of followers” who find it funny that you are tormented.

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Bullying Guide

Persistent bullying can have very serious consequences on the health; relentless bullying day after day causes stress and with stress comes effects on the health such as fatigue, depression, anxiety, phobias and panic attacks. Anyone who is being bullied will eventually find it stressful and symptoms will begin to show if they are continually faced with stressful situations day after day.

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Bullying Guide

There are many different forms of bullying, it isn’t all physical violence it is also verbal or social abuse, this can be by way of intimidation, making nasty comments and excluding the person. Bullying can consist of threatening, persistent teasing, name calling, ignoring, gossiping and spreading vicious rumours. This done day in day out over a long period of time can have serious effects on your child’s health both physically and mentally.

Stages of bullying

When your child first begins to be bullied the effects can be minor, your child will of course be upset at what is happening to them and may often come home tearful, and they will perhaps go off their food and can also begin to have sleepless nights or bad dreams. If the bullying continues your child will then come up with more and more excuses to not to go to school, they will say they have a stomach ache, headache or other minor illness.

Perhaps if the bullying is taking place in just one or two lessons say for instance PE then they will make excuses just on particular days when they have those lessons. Gradually over a period of time your child will begin to show signs of stress developing; they may look tired and drawn, not sleeping very well, be very nervous and jittery, refuse to go out after school or begin to have panic attacks.

Ideally the problem should never reach this stage because the effects of stress from bullying can lead to self harm and suicide. By this stage you will know something is seriously wrong with your child and probably school will have noticed a big difference in your child too as stress affects learning.

More often than not children are reluctant to tell if they are being bullied due to their own feelings of guilt and shame, only occasionally are they too afraid of the bullies threats to tell.

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Bullying Guide

When we think of bullying we think of children in school, while it is true the majority of bullying does occur in school in the playgrounds it is something that happens in the workplace and in the home too. Bullying has also taken on a new form with the modern technology of today and is no longer confined just to the playground, bullying now occurs in cyber form via email and text messaging with cell phones.

Bullying in schools

Most bullying often occurs in playgrounds and at lunch breaks and can take on different forms such as your child being bullied for money at lunchtime or for sweets to more serious forms of continually hounding your child just for the sheer fun of it.

Bullying can also occur during lessons particularly in full classes or during sports lessons and isn’t confined in school bullies can also make your child’s life hell going to and from school. Sometimes bullying can also come from those we entrust our children’s safety to, teachers.

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Bullying Guide

Anyone who is being bullied will eventually have feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment, these feelings are only normal when you are being victimised day in and day out over a long period of time. The victim of the bully will eventually begin to ask themselves “why me” and will feel embarrassment, guilt and shame that they can’t stand up to the bully and deal with what is happening to them by themselves.

It is important to remember that in fact there are very few people who could deal with persistent bullying over long periods of time by themselves. Persistent bullies are also called serial bullies and there are primarily four different types of serial bully, the attention seeker, the wannabe, the guru and the sociopath:

The Attention seeker

The attention seeker will always want to be the focus of attention; they are control freaks who are excellent in manipulating people. Signs of the attention seeker are:

* Emotionally insecure and immature.

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Bullying Guide

Here we have compiled a series of answers to your bullying questions, providing in a bullying FAQ format:

What is bullying?

* Physical or mental abuse such as hitting, nipping, scratching, being called names and taunted on a daily basis.

* Receiving unwanted and often threatening e-mails, phone calls and text messages on a daily basis.

* Constantly being made to look foolish in the classroom by a teacher, such as being called stupid, thick and general put downs that happen on a daily basis.

* Constant attempts in the workplace to undermine your status, value, position and potential.

* Being put down or patronized constantly especially in front of others.

* Being overload at work or having major work taken away and menial tasks assigned to you on a constant basis.

* Having annual holidays, sick days and compassionate leave denied on a regular basis within the workplace.

* Being given disciplinary procedures for trivial reasons or made up ones on a regular basis in the workplace.

How do I recognize a bully?

* Bullies will very often be in gangs and will be the leader, they will delight in the power that they have over the victim and enjoy feeling powerful as head of a gang.

How can I tell if a school has a problem with bullying?

* Check the schools attendance records, schools which have a big problem with bullies usually have a bad attendance record. This is mainly due to victims of bullies having a lot of time off from school because of the bullying.

* Look for a high level of staff turnover, staff are reluctant to work in schools were bullying is rife.

* Check Ofsted reports for signs of bad behaviour on record.

My child is being bullied on the way to and from school

* Some schools have a policy that the school is responsible for a child’s safety until they reach home, other schools take no responsibility for your child once they have left the school premises. Most schools however will do all they can to help a child who is being bullied. Schools realize that if the bullying is occurring out of school then it will most likely continue in school if the children attend the same school.

My child was being bullied and now fights back and gets into trouble at school for it

* Make an appointment to go and talk with your child’s school and tell them your child was being bullied and explain that they have been told to stick up for themselves and have begun fighting back. Unfortunately most schools have a “two wrongs don’t make it right” policy and will class your child as misbehaving if they are fighting back against the bullies.

* Make sure your child understands that there are different ways of standing up to a bully and that hitting back isn’t always the best policy, explain to them that walking away doesn’t mean you are a coward and the bully is getting away with it but that it means they are a stronger and better person than the bully by just walking away.

The school my child attends seem to trivialize bullying

* All schools have to meet certain guidelines and all schools should have a policy regarding bullying and how to deal with them, if you think your child’s school isn’t taking bullying seriously then first you should make an appointment to speak with the head teacher and ask about the schools bullying policy.

Make it clear to them that your child is being bullied while in their care and present them with any evidence pertaining to the bullying incidents. If you are still not happy with what’s being done in school then take advice from higher authorities such as Ofsted.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

If you are being bullied in school then you can go to your teachers for help and they must do everything they can to straighten it out and stop the bullying while you’re in school. Bullying however can continue outside of school during the weekends and holidays and school has nothing to do with the bullying when this happens, so what can be done to put a stop to bullying outside of school? There are several ways that you can help to make life easier for yourself if you are being bullied outside of school, these include:

* Ask you friends to call for you before you go out instead of walking to friends’ homes on your own.

* Try taking a slightly different route than you would normally take if you are alone.

* If you’re out alone in the dark then stick to well lit streets.

* Try avoiding areas that you know bullies hang out such as shops, playgrounds and parks.

* Get a personal safety alarm or a whistle and use it if you are threatened.

* If bullies call you names don’t reply just ignore them and carry on walking.

* If you have an a older brother or sister then let them walk with you to your friends’ house.

* Get a lift from your parents to a friends’ house.

Most bullies think it’s clever to call you names they know will upset you and any reaction you have to them name calling will only egg them on and they will do it all the more. If they see that you are upset then they will torment you more so try not to show that their behaviour upsets you or frightens you.

Tell someone you’re being bullied

It is very important that you tell someone if you are or have been bullied on any occasion, whether this is at school or home, it is not a sign of weakness and it doesn’t mean you are a coward for not dealing with it yourself.

If you are being hit or kicked then the person doing this could get into serious trouble as it is a criminal offence and even making obscene gestures and calling you names is termed as harassment. Often children are afraid that they won’t be taken seriously when they say they’re being bullied but more and more attention is being paid to bullying and it is taken very seriously by parents, teachers and the police.

It can be helpful particularly if the police have to become involved if you have kept a journal of the bullying in as much detail as you can. For example writing down dates and times and what was said or done at the time.

What will be done about the bullying?

If you are being bullied on a daily basis by the same person and they are physically harming you as well as mentally then your parents can call the police and someone will come and talk to you about the bullying.

Special police community support officers will usually get involved and they will come and talk to both you and the person responsible for the bullying. In most cases this sorts the problem out as the police will often give the child an unofficial warning, if it doesn’t or the bullying gets worse then the police will come back and take statements from you and they might recommend that you bring criminal charges against the bully.

If the bully admits what they have done then probably they will have to visit the police station and a caution will be given if it goes further then they may have to attend a court hearing and be prosecuted and it will go down on record.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.

The bully’s objective

The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.

When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.

Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.

Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.

Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.

The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.

It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.

The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:

* Denial

* Arrogance

* Unpredictability

* Be attention seekers

Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

Being bullied causes a great deal of conflicting feelings, one of these being anger and since the victim of a bully is usually a non violent person this anger gets held in and can be one of the main causes of depression. Victims of bullies will eventually arrive at the point where they can no longer hold in this anger, this is when they reach the point of boiling and a release of the internal pressure is needed.

As the person is generally a non violent one they can very often turn to hurting themselves instead of lashing out at the bully and very often even attempt suicide. In the United Kingdom alone it is thought that each year:

* Over 5000 people commit suicide.

* At least 16 young people or children commit suicide due to bullying.

* At east 19,000 children will have attempted suicide, this is one every half hour.

* For males between the ages of 18 and 24 suicide is the number one cause of death.

* Over 30% of the workforce in the United Kingdom suffer from mental health problems.

Bullying, harassment and abuse causes severe problems with our health these problems are often diagnosed as stress and anxiety but also includes depression.

Strategies for dealing with anger to help eliminate depression

All targets of bullies whatever their age or gender will eventually come to a boiling point if the anger is left to fester and eventually the smallest of irritations can cause an outburst. This trigger could come from our adversaries but more often than not it will come unwittingly from friends or family.

Anger controls a person and when we become angry we lose control, bullies know this and this is what they are aiming for, this is why a bully will constantly provoke you.

By holding in the anger you are risking your health and by expressing your anger with friends and family you are in theory allowing the bully to control you even after the event.

Here are some tips for getting the frustrations out quickly and early:

* Take an empty plastic milk carton and jump up and down on it until you feel better, do this in private of course.

* Visit a counselor or therapist and talk things through.

* Every time you have a negative thought remind yourself “I am responsible for how I feel”.

* Read books on anger management and ways of dealing with stress.

* Save up all your empty glass bottles and take them to a bottle bank, drop them in and hear the glass shatter, breaking glass is thought to be soothing.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel, all targets of bullies get angry and let the anger build up until it’s uncontrollable. The important thing is to manage this anger and let off steam when you feel the need to but always remain in control of the anger and don’t let it bring you to the brink of serious depression or worse – suicide.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

We have gathered a list of bullying facts to help you get a better understanding of bullying:

* Research has shown that 1 in 6 children are bullied in school.

* Bullying in the workplace varies from country to country, in Norway 5% of the workforce admit to being bullied while in the UK and USA 20% of the workforce say they have encountered bullying in the workplace.

* 1 in 30 workers are serial bullies.

* Bullying can continue for years.

* 84% of workers at some time in their life encounter intimidating behaviour.

* 73% of the workforce are unhappy and say the workplace is oppressive.

* 65% of the workforce won’t speak up out of fear.

* 43% felt a great deal of pressure especially when it came to meeting unrealistic targets.

* 40% of the workforce say they have encountered abusive language.

* 38% of the workforce have been on the receiving end of hurtful jokes or have been the victim of pranks.

* 23% have come across threatening behaviour in the workplace.

* 15% have been on the receiving end of a physical assault.

* 66% of the bullies encountered within the workplace were managers or supervisors.

* 1 in 4 primary school children are bullied more than once or twice a week in any one school term.

* 1 in 10 primary school children are bullied persistently.

* Over 25 children every year commit suicide because of bullying.

* More than a quarter of children get threats of physical violence while in school.

* Bullying against boys is a more frequent occurrence than by girls.

* Around 10% of children have time off school due to bullying.

* Up to 40% of children think teachers have no clue that bullying is happening within the school.

* About 17% of all calls to child help lines are made by children who are being bullied.

* More children in the age group of 12 call child help lines regarding bullying than any other age.

* Almost one third of secondary school children have reported being the object of sexual jokes, gestures or comments.

* Victims of bullying are more likely to suffer from common illnesses such as colds, sore throats and stomach problems.

* By the average age of 23 children who had been bullied in school were found to still suffer from depression and stress related illnesses.

* Nearly 60% of boys who were classified as bullies when they were younger had been convicted of at least one crime by the time they were 23.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying