Bullying Guide

There are many different reasons why bullies target people but some reasons are consistent in most case of bullying, so what draws a bully to their target and why? Here are some of the reasons:

* Bullies are opportunists and usually it’s a case of you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and the bully found that they can intimidate you easily.

* The bully is jealous of you and secretly wishes they were like you.

* The bully is afraid of exposing their inadequacy and you only make them feel more inadequate especially if you are excellent at your job or school work.

* You are popular and therefore get more attention than the bully and this is how the bully wants to be.

* You are independent and don’t need to get strength from others, bullies often get strength from their “gang of followers” who find it funny that you are tormented.

* You have many friends who like to be with you just for you.

* You have nice possessions, the bully is often jealous of those who have what they don’t.

Do any special events cause bullying?

As a bully is usually jealous of others achievements there are many events that can trigger bullying such as:

* Your performance at school or work is highlighted by such as awards or praise.

* If for any reason you suddenly become the focus of attention, this often occurs with female bullies.

* Standing up for a friend or colleague who is being bullied.

* Telling tales, this can be incompetence at work for instance or something that is done illegally.

* Displays of affection and trust from others.

* Seeking advice from trade union officials during disputes at work.

* Refusing to obey orders you don’t think are fair.

* Gaining promotion in the work place.

Qualities that bullies find irresistible:

Bullies are particularly drawn to people with the following qualities:

* Popularity – This brings out the jealousy side of the bully.

* Intelligence – This only enhances the bully’s inadequacies.

* You always give 100% and will do anything to help others – This brings out jealousy In bullies.

* You are imaginative and creative – Again shows the bullies incompetence.

* You have a strong sense of right and wrong – The bully will never admit to being wrong.

* You prefer to talk rather than fight – The bully sees this as a sign of weakness.

* High level of tolerance – The bully will try and break you down through bullying to prove he is stronger than you.

What the bully really is:

* A convincing liar who will say and do anything to get out of trouble or around problems in their life.

* Is excellent in deceiving others particularly peers.

* Emotionally insecure and untrustworthy .

* An arrogant person who believes themselves to be untouchable.

* Has a need to control people and alienate them from others.

* They are always takers and never givers.

* Someone who poisons peoples minds with lies about you.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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Bullying Guide

Persistent bullying can have very serious consequences on the health; relentless bullying day after day causes stress and with stress comes effects on the health such as fatigue, depression, anxiety, phobias and panic attacks. Anyone who is being bullied will eventually find it stressful and symptoms will begin to show if they are continually faced with stressful situations day after day.

Stress

The signs of stress first usually appear as sleepless nights, aches, pains and stomach problems.

The physical symptoms of stress

People suffering from stress will find that they catch more colds and generally feel run down all the time; this is down to a reduced immune system. General aches and pains may begin to show such as back pain, chest pain and headaches, other symptoms include dizziness, sweating, palpitations, skin disorders and loss of appetite.

Physiological symptoms

Symptoms such as panic attacks are common in someone suffering from stress and anxiety, feelings such as a dread of something unknown happening, feelings of loneliness, suicide, desperation and an intense fear. Poor concentration and forgetfulness are also common effects in someone suffering from depression due to stress.

Behavioural symptoms

A person suffering from stress can often be very tearful, irritable, become obsessive or have angry outbursts. A person can also become over sensitive, for example they may think everyone is talking about them when they walk into a room. Indecision, a loss of the sense of humour and excessive nail biting, teeth grinding and scratching can all be signs of stress.

Personality changes

The person suffering from stress will most probably begin to withdraw into themselves, preferring to stay at home where once they would have enjoyed going out with friends. They will have loss of self esteem, self image and self worth.

The usual response to stress is what is known as the “fight or flight” mechanism and this will occur many times a day in someone who is stressed and full of anxiety, this can happen for no reason and when the person is in no particular danger at that very moment and is termed a “panic attack”.

In the beginning these can happen every once in a while but continual exposure to stress can trigger them every few minutes. The person suffering can then even trigger a panic attack just by the mere thought of one occurring.

Serious prolonged attacks of bullying can result in the target shutting out what is happening to them and sometimes who is responsible for the bullying.

This can have consequences for those trying to help the victim put a stop to it so the quicker help is given the better, especially when it might be necessary to take legal action against the bully. Victims of bullies often don’t report the incidents for reasons such as:

* Fear they will not be believed.

* If they report the bullying then any action taken could make the situation worse for them.

* The person feels shame of being bullied.

* The person feels bewilderment about what happened and asks themselves why me.

* Bullying causes stress and this can prevent the person from being able identify the bullies.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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Bullying Guide

There are many different forms of bullying, it isn’t all physical violence it is also verbal or social abuse, this can be by way of intimidation, making nasty comments and excluding the person. Bullying can consist of threatening, persistent teasing, name calling, ignoring, gossiping and spreading vicious rumours. This done day in day out over a long period of time can have serious effects on your child’s health both physically and mentally.

Stages of bullying

When your child first begins to be bullied the effects can be minor, your child will of course be upset at what is happening to them and may often come home tearful, and they will perhaps go off their food and can also begin to have sleepless nights or bad dreams. If the bullying continues your child will then come up with more and more excuses to not to go to school, they will say they have a stomach ache, headache or other minor illness.

Perhaps if the bullying is taking place in just one or two lessons say for instance PE then they will make excuses just on particular days when they have those lessons. Gradually over a period of time your child will begin to show signs of stress developing; they may look tired and drawn, not sleeping very well, be very nervous and jittery, refuse to go out after school or begin to have panic attacks.

Ideally the problem should never reach this stage because the effects of stress from bullying can lead to self harm and suicide. By this stage you will know something is seriously wrong with your child and probably school will have noticed a big difference in your child too as stress affects learning.

More often than not children are reluctant to tell if they are being bullied due to their own feelings of guilt and shame, only occasionally are they too afraid of the bullies threats to tell.

The four common types of bullying

* Verbal bullying - This type of bullying is very often done by girls; it is a very cruel form of bullying and can have deep lasting affects on your child mentally even when the bullying has been stopped. Verbal bullying consists of name calling, sarcasm, teasing and spreading rumours.

* Social bullying – excluding your child from the group is a popular form of social bullying, bullies of this type will often make your child the scapegoat and humiliate them at every opportunity in front of others.

* Physical bullying – This form of bullying is one used mostly by boys and only occasionally girls, it takes the form of hitting, pinching, poking, pushing, chasing and destroying or stealing possessions.

* Cyber bullying – This form of bullying is becoming more widespread and consists of sending hateful text messages, e-mails or spreading rumours by these methods. Occasionally serious prank phone calls are made to the victim usually to scare them and is a form of bullying favoured by girls.

Whichever form of bullying takes place it can have serious health related issues long after the bullying has been dealt with and stopped, it may take a long time for your child to fully recover from the ordeal particularly if the bullying happened over a long period of time.

The quicker the problem is caught and dealt with the quicker your child can start to put it behind them and get on with their life. Even so your child may need to see a Doctor especially when dealing with the effects of stress.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

When we think of bullying we think of children in school, while it is true the majority of bullying does occur in school in the playgrounds it is something that happens in the workplace and in the home too. Bullying has also taken on a new form with the modern technology of today and is no longer confined just to the playground, bullying now occurs in cyber form via email and text messaging with cell phones.

Bullying in schools

Most bullying often occurs in playgrounds and at lunch breaks and can take on different forms such as your child being bullied for money at lunchtime or for sweets to more serious forms of continually hounding your child just for the sheer fun of it.

Bullying can also occur during lessons particularly in full classes or during sports lessons and isn’t confined in school bullies can also make your child’s life hell going to and from school. Sometimes bullying can also come from those we entrust our children’s safety to, teachers.

Cyber bullying

With the modern technology of today bullying has taken on a new form, it is now a common occurrence for children to have computers in their rooms and bullies have seized upon this opportunity to find new ways to bully.

Although harm isn’t being done to a child physically it is still bullying and often mental bullying is far worse than actual physical harm. Bullies have also seized on the opportunity of cell phones and can terrorise their victims by sending text messages and prank phone calls.

Bullying in the workplace

It isn’t just children who are victimised by bullies; adults can also fall foul of them in the workplace. We all known how younger new recruits in the workplace are usually called upon for all the jobs that no one wants to do, it’s a standard joke they are the “gophers” but bullying in the workplace is something entirely different from being the butt of jokes such as that.

Forms of bullying in the workplace can be persistently given the lower paid or dirty jobs, refusal of holidays for no good reason and promotions being denied in favour of more well liked people on the staff.

Bullying in the home

Bullying in the home can either be the husband or occasionally the wife bullying the spouse, the children or the whole family, bullying in this form often consists of mental cruelty rather than physical.

Bullying in the form of mental cruelty is one that is often favoured by the bully because words often hurt more than physical harm, also there is no evidence and bullies after all are cowards and don’t want to get caught.

Bullies also like to be in total control and have a power over people and mental cruelty is often far more effective and gives the bully a deeper sense of satisfaction and control.

Whatever form of bullying occurs be it a child or an adult in the workplace or in the home environment it is important for those suffering to be taken seriously.

Bullying is treated the same wherever it happens and to whom, standing up to the bully and refusing to be victimised any longer is the key and there are several organisations that can give advice on dealing with bullying of any form.

If you need help then your local citizen’s advice bureau will be able to put you in touch with organisations in your area.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying Guide

Anyone who is being bullied will eventually have feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment, these feelings are only normal when you are being victimised day in and day out over a long period of time. The victim of the bully will eventually begin to ask themselves “why me” and will feel embarrassment, guilt and shame that they can’t stand up to the bully and deal with what is happening to them by themselves.

It is important to remember that in fact there are very few people who could deal with persistent bullying over long periods of time by themselves. Persistent bullies are also called serial bullies and there are primarily four different types of serial bully, the attention seeker, the wannabe, the guru and the sociopath:

The Attention seeker

The attention seeker will always want to be the focus of attention; they are control freaks who are excellent in manipulating people. Signs of the attention seeker are:

* Emotionally insecure and immature.

* Has selective friends for example they can be over sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others and the rest of the people are just ignored.

* Very aggressive to anyone who sees them for what they are.

* Can be over friendly with their chosen target in the beginning, this gives a person a false sense of security.

* Everything that happens to them is a “drama”.

* Prefers not to solve any problems they have in their own life, this way they can continue gaining attention and sympathy.

* Has lots of self pity.

The Wannabe

This type of bully will crave respect for being competent despite severely lacking in competence, signs of the wannabe are:

* An underperformer or achiever.

* Craves undeserved respect and attention.

* Has no qualifications but says they have.

* Or very envious or jealous of others.

* Steals ideas from others and uses them as their own.

* Are very easily provoked and quick to anger.

* Female wannabes will surround themselves with people of the opposite sex delighting in the attention.

* Gives the appearance of loyalty but discards a person when they have served the purpose of the bully.

* Is likely to make friends or have affairs to gain power, status or position.

The Guru

The guru very often has the inability to understand how others feel, signs of the guru are:

* Will do anything to succeed.

* Isn’t very good with people and is often a loner.

* Does not accept responsibility for their own behaviour.

* Emotionally immature and sometimes cold and frigid.

* Puts the blame on others for their own inadequacies.

* Is a frequent liar.

* Often lives in the past rather than the present.

The Sociopath

The sociopath will gain personal satisfaction from power and personal gain and will do anything for their own survival, signs of the sociopath bully are:

* Have a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

* Charming to those that can protect their position.

* Likes to be surrounded by people who are easily manipulated.

* Pursues endless vicious vendettas against anyone they perceive as a threat.

* Enjoys seeing others distress which can either be caused by themselves or others.

* Has no control or limit to their vindictiveness.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

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Bullying Guide

Here we have compiled a series of answers to your bullying questions, providing in a bullying FAQ format:

What is bullying?

* Physical or mental abuse such as hitting, nipping, scratching, being called names and taunted on a daily basis.

* Receiving unwanted and often threatening e-mails, phone calls and text messages on a daily basis.

* Constantly being made to look foolish in the classroom by a teacher, such as being called stupid, thick and general put downs that happen on a daily basis.

* Constant attempts in the workplace to undermine your status, value, position and potential.

* Being put down or patronized constantly especially in front of others.

* Being overload at work or having major work taken away and menial tasks assigned to you on a constant basis.

* Having annual holidays, sick days and compassionate leave denied on a regular basis within the workplace.

* Being given disciplinary procedures for trivial reasons or made up ones on a regular basis in the workplace.

How do I recognize a bully?

* Bullies will very often be in gangs and will be the leader, they will delight in the power that they have over the victim and enjoy feeling powerful as head of a gang.

How can I tell if a school has a problem with bullying?

* Check the schools attendance records, schools which have a big problem with bullies usually have a bad attendance record. This is mainly due to victims of bullies having a lot of time off from school because of the bullying.

* Look for a high level of staff turnover, staff are reluctant to work in schools were bullying is rife.

* Check Ofsted reports for signs of bad behaviour on record.

My child is being bullied on the way to and from school

* Some schools have a policy that the school is responsible for a child’s safety until they reach home, other schools take no responsibility for your child once they have left the school premises. Most schools however will do all they can to help a child who is being bullied. Schools realize that if the bullying is occurring out of school then it will most likely continue in school if the children attend the same school.

My child was being bullied and now fights back and gets into trouble at school for it

* Make an appointment to go and talk with your child’s school and tell them your child was being bullied and explain that they have been told to stick up for themselves and have begun fighting back. Unfortunately most schools have a “two wrongs don’t make it right” policy and will class your child as misbehaving if they are fighting back against the bullies.

* Make sure your child understands that there are different ways of standing up to a bully and that hitting back isn’t always the best policy, explain to them that walking away doesn’t mean you are a coward and the bully is getting away with it but that it means they are a stronger and better person than the bully by just walking away.

The school my child attends seem to trivialize bullying

* All schools have to meet certain guidelines and all schools should have a policy regarding bullying and how to deal with them, if you think your child’s school isn’t taking bullying seriously then first you should make an appointment to speak with the head teacher and ask about the schools bullying policy.

Make it clear to them that your child is being bullied while in their care and present them with any evidence pertaining to the bullying incidents. If you are still not happy with what’s being done in school then take advice from higher authorities such as Ofsted.

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Bullying Guide

If you are being bullied in school then you can go to your teachers for help and they must do everything they can to straighten it out and stop the bullying while you’re in school. Bullying however can continue outside of school during the weekends and holidays and school has nothing to do with the bullying when this happens, so what can be done to put a stop to bullying outside of school? There are several ways that you can help to make life easier for yourself if you are being bullied outside of school, these include:

* Ask you friends to call for you before you go out instead of walking to friends’ homes on your own.

* Try taking a slightly different route than you would normally take if you are alone.

* If you’re out alone in the dark then stick to well lit streets.

* Try avoiding areas that you know bullies hang out such as shops, playgrounds and parks.

* Get a personal safety alarm or a whistle and use it if you are threatened.

* If bullies call you names don’t reply just ignore them and carry on walking.

* If you have an a older brother or sister then let them walk with you to your friends’ house.

* Get a lift from your parents to a friends’ house.

Most bullies think it’s clever to call you names they know will upset you and any reaction you have to them name calling will only egg them on and they will do it all the more. If they see that you are upset then they will torment you more so try not to show that their behaviour upsets you or frightens you.

Tell someone you’re being bullied

It is very important that you tell someone if you are or have been bullied on any occasion, whether this is at school or home, it is not a sign of weakness and it doesn’t mean you are a coward for not dealing with it yourself.

If you are being hit or kicked then the person doing this could get into serious trouble as it is a criminal offence and even making obscene gestures and calling you names is termed as harassment. Often children are afraid that they won’t be taken seriously when they say they’re being bullied but more and more attention is being paid to bullying and it is taken very seriously by parents, teachers and the police.

It can be helpful particularly if the police have to become involved if you have kept a journal of the bullying in as much detail as you can. For example writing down dates and times and what was said or done at the time.

What will be done about the bullying?

If you are being bullied on a daily basis by the same person and they are physically harming you as well as mentally then your parents can call the police and someone will come and talk to you about the bullying.

Special police community support officers will usually get involved and they will come and talk to both you and the person responsible for the bullying. In most cases this sorts the problem out as the police will often give the child an unofficial warning, if it doesn’t or the bullying gets worse then the police will come back and take statements from you and they might recommend that you bring criminal charges against the bully.

If the bully admits what they have done then probably they will have to visit the police station and a caution will be given if it goes further then they may have to attend a court hearing and be prosecuted and it will go down on record.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

Bullying in the family is almost always psychological bullying; the main reason for this is because it leaves no outward scars or signs and so no evidence. Most commonly the abuse takes on the form of verbal cruelty, this is usually achieved by constant fault finding and nit picking. The bully in the family will never give praise where it is due and will manipulate, isolate and exclude family members.

The bully’s objective

The objective of the bully in the family is to dominate, they thrive on power and control over their victim. The bully will never admit they are doing wrong and living with someone who is constantly putting you down and denying what they said or did can drive you crazy almost to the point where you begin to doubt yourself constantly.

When the bullying starts to get you down to the point where other family members and friends begin to notice, the bully will tell them it is you that has a problem and will tell others you are losing it.

Control is the main issue, this can be controlling of finances within the family, who you see and where you go and what you do during the day. Very often, if it is the husband who is the bully, he will call his wife several times a day while he is out at work wanting to know where she is and what she is doing.

Very often he will demand that she do tasks around the home just for the sake of keeping her at home and therefore knowing her whereabouts all the time. Very often the bully in the family will take great delight in setting family members against each other, the bully will gain a great deal of satisfaction from seeing family members argue amongst themselves and taking the side of the bully, to the bully this is total control of the person’s mind.

Female bullies in particular within the family are very good at manipulation; they excel in manipulating people through their emotions, such as guilt. The bully will seize upon any form of vulnerability and are especially good when it comes to taking advantage of those who are emotionally needy such as elderly parents.

The bully within the family will also encourage their victim to lie to other members in the family and having your mind poisoned by a member of your own family can be difficult to comprehend and the victim will often refuse to believe that their own family could be guilty of such a thing, so therefore bullying in the family is particularly hard to stop.

It is extremely important the person being bullied sees through the deception and realizes they are being used as a pawn and get help.

The serial bully in the family is often easy to spot as all bullies have certain characteristics, they will show signs of:

* Denial

* Arrogance

* Unpredictability

* Be attention seekers

Bullies in the family can either be male or female and very rarely children can also bully their parents, particularly mothers playing on their emotions, female bullies are usually more cunning than males, female bullies will be more devious and they will often bully a male into committing violence for them. Male bullies are often less subtle and clever when it comes to bullying but also play on the emotions of a woman.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

* Over 5000 people commit suicide.

* At least 16 young people or children commit suicide due to bullying.

* At east 19,000 children will have attempted suicide, this is one every half hour.

* For males between the ages of 18 and 24 suicide is the number one cause of death.

* Over 30% of the workforce in the United Kingdom suffer from mental health problems.

Bullying, harassment and abuse causes severe problems with our health these problems are often diagnosed as stress and anxiety but also includes depression.

Strategies for dealing with anger to help eliminate depression

All targets of bullies whatever their age or gender will eventually come to a boiling point if the anger is left to fester and eventually the smallest of irritations can cause an outburst. This trigger could come from our adversaries but more often than not it will come unwittingly from friends or family.

Anger controls a person and when we become angry we lose control, bullies know this and this is what they are aiming for, this is why a bully will constantly provoke you.

By holding in the anger you are risking your health and by expressing your anger with friends and family you are in theory allowing the bully to control you even after the event.

Here are some tips for getting the frustrations out quickly and early:

* Take an empty plastic milk carton and jump up and down on it until you feel better, do this in private of course.

* Visit a counselor or therapist and talk things through.

* Every time you have a negative thought remind yourself “I am responsible for how I feel”.

* Read books on anger management and ways of dealing with stress.

* Save up all your empty glass bottles and take them to a bottle bank, drop them in and hear the glass shatter, breaking glass is thought to be soothing.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel, all targets of bullies get angry and let the anger build up until it’s uncontrollable. The important thing is to manage this anger and let off steam when you feel the need to but always remain in control of the anger and don’t let it bring you to the brink of serious depression or worse – suicide.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying

We have gathered a list of bullying facts to help you get a better understanding of bullying:

* Research has shown that 1 in 6 children are bullied in school.

* Bullying in the workplace varies from country to country, in Norway 5% of the workforce admit to being bullied while in the UK and USA 20% of the workforce say they have encountered bullying in the workplace.

* 1 in 30 workers are serial bullies.

* Bullying can continue for years.

* 84% of workers at some time in their life encounter intimidating behaviour.

* 73% of the workforce are unhappy and say the workplace is oppressive.

* 65% of the workforce won’t speak up out of fear.

* 43% felt a great deal of pressure especially when it came to meeting unrealistic targets.

* 40% of the workforce say they have encountered abusive language.

* 38% of the workforce have been on the receiving end of hurtful jokes or have been the victim of pranks.

* 23% have come across threatening behaviour in the workplace.

* 15% have been on the receiving end of a physical assault.

* 66% of the bullies encountered within the workplace were managers or supervisors.

* 1 in 4 primary school children are bullied more than once or twice a week in any one school term.

* 1 in 10 primary school children are bullied persistently.

* Over 25 children every year commit suicide because of bullying.

* More than a quarter of children get threats of physical violence while in school.

* Bullying against boys is a more frequent occurrence than by girls.

* Around 10% of children have time off school due to bullying.

* Up to 40% of children think teachers have no clue that bullying is happening within the school.

* About 17% of all calls to child help lines are made by children who are being bullied.

* More children in the age group of 12 call child help lines regarding bullying than any other age.

* Almost one third of secondary school children have reported being the object of sexual jokes, gestures or comments.

* Victims of bullying are more likely to suffer from common illnesses such as colds, sore throats and stomach problems.

* By the average age of 23 children who had been bullied in school were found to still suffer from depression and stress related illnesses.

* Nearly 60% of boys who were classified as bullies when they were younger had been convicted of at least one crime by the time they were 23.

Filed under: Bullying Guide: Learning About & Dealing With Bullying